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Broken

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My self-discovery journey has been very enlightening. All the while, I had assumed that I was the one who had a difficult choice to make. I had completely neglected to acknowledge the fact that the two men in question also had the power of freewill which gave them the liberty to decide they didn’t want me. It was Chigozie’s formal declaration of saying goodbye to me that eventually opened my eyes to this reality.

“Adesewa, I came back to say goodbye”. Those were his exact words to me and considering my final act of defiance; leaving Tunji standing outside while I drove into the sunset with Chigozie, I was pretty sure I had just lost both of them. There was no going back. Even if by some amazing stroke of good fortune or divine intervention, Tunji decided to overlook what had happened in front of our parents I was pretty sure his mother would never allow him take me back.

I wasn’t sure what he expected me to say but my next words were pretty straight to the point.
“Take me home”. I said softly.

“Look I know right now there is little I can say to prove to you that I am actually trying to do right by you, but that is exactly what I am trying to do”. He said.

He reached out to touch my hand but I shoved his hand away. I was so confused about the mess I had singlehandedly created.
“Take me home”. I said a little more firmly this time.

“I can’t just take you home and leave you to your fate! We need to talk this over and come up with a plan before I leave Lagos.” He said
I looked at him in shock. Was he relocating? I didn’t say anything but he sensed I needed answers and so he made an attempt to provide one:

“My friend in Port Harcourt is trying to get me a role at the oil servicing firm where he works. I am to have a chat with the Managing Director in a couple of days. It’s a long shot but I can’t just stay here hoping for something to happen. I have bills to pay and a family to support. If it works out, then my move to Port Harcourt might be a permanent one”.

He was obviously expecting me to say something, but I had absolutely nothing to say. He had made a plan, he was moving on but I had to go back home…alone, with my tail between my legs and explain to my parents why I had made an utter fool of myself and disrespected them in the presence of Tunji and his parents.

“Take me home”. I said for the third time.
“Come on! Say something, I can’t just drop you at home to face everyone yourself and then drive off! I cannot do that. What do you think we should do?”

He said raising his voice at me, obviously out of frustration.
There was so much I wanted to say to him. So many questions I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. If I did, I would cry and then I would beg him not to leave. I would beg him to take me wherever he was going because I couldn’t bear the thought of having to do the walk of shame back home alone and live through the numerous times my mother would say “I told you so” and my father would ask “What were you thinking”?
I couldn’t display that level of weakness in his presence and since he had refused to take me home, there was only one thing left for me to do…find my way.

I opened the car door and got out of the car and then it all happened in a flash! Chigozie yelled “Watch out” and as I tried to turn around to see what he was asking me to watch out for, I felt myself being lifted off the ground and within seconds I was lying on the cold hard concrete ground wondering what had happened…then it all went black.



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