“Adesewa, you become very quiet every time I bring up our wedding plans. Are you mad at me?
Tunji and I were at his parents’ for lunch and I had so much on my mind, I wasn’t in the mood for his endless questions.
“I am not mad at you Tunji. Why would I be mad at you”? I asked him very innocently.
“I know you very well madam. I have dated you for eight and a half years. You are mad at me and I would like to know what I did, so we can have a conversation about it and I can apologize if necessary”. He protested.
I looked around to make sure there was no one within earshot.
“Must we have this conversation now? I don’t want your mum getting involved in yet another Sewa and Tunji brouhaha”. I informed him.
He threw his head back and laughed heartily.
“Now I am a hundred percent certain you are mad at me and I think I know why. You are still upset that I was away when you were meeting with the vendors. I guess Chigozie didn’t do a good job of assisting you. You should have just told me, I would have found someone else or found a way to make it back home myself.” Tunji explained.
I bit my lower lip. It’s a habit I have had since I was a child. I do that only when I am nervous and I was very nervous. He was right, this had everything to do Chigozie and yes I was mad at him! I was mad at him for making me meet Chigozie. It had been a week since I last saw him, yet every day we found a reason to text or call each other. The first day, he called because the wedding planner had copied him in an email and he wanted to know if I wanted him to act on it. I had politely declined and informed him that I had already forwarded the email to Tunji.
The second day, I called because I couldn’t find one of the phone numbers I needed to confirm an appointment…ok I admit, I did not misplace the number I just wanted to talk to him. The third day he called to ask if I had confirmed the booking and from then on, it was just one random text or another. Our latest line of communication now was comparing notes on funny videos we had seen on Instagram. The undefined, unspoken friendship was spiraling out of control and I didn’t need to be told it was distracting me.
I knew what the problem was, I had read about it in a million and one novels and watched it in a million and one movies. I was having pre-wedding jitters, I had been dating the same man for over eight years…the only man I had ever dated and I was about to commit to spending the rest of my life with him.
Everyone always told me how lucky I was. I had never experienced a heartbreak, never had to go back into the dating pool, and never had the issue of a crazy ex I wanted to forget about. I had found the love of my life early and we were about to become one of the few couples who had made it to the altar after dating all their adult life. It was the epic love story especially considering we were family friends who basically grew up together. While everyone gushed about how romantic it all seemed, I was petrified.
What if we grew bored and tired of each other? What if there was something more out there and we were shortchanging ourselves thinking this was it? What if I married him and discovered somewhere down the line that I was not really in love with him? What if I fell in love with some else later on in our marriage? What if in ten years I evolved as a person and realized Tunji was incapable of making me happy? And the scariest of all, what if all of these scenarios played out for Tunji and I was on the receiving end of the heartbreak?
I had heard of couples having pre-wedding jitters, was it possible that Tunji was feeling the same way and afraid to talk to me about it? Perhaps that was why he was not as involved in the wedding planning as he should be. I just had to find out what was going on his head and make sure we were on the same page.
“Tunji, do you ever think that perhaps we are rushing this whole marriage thing”? I asked.
“Huh? What in the world are you talking about? We have been dating for over eight years! What is supposed to come after that? A master’s degree in courtship”? He was getting angry and raising his voice.
“Sssshhhh, don’t let your mum hear us please”! I pleaded.
“Then why did you bring it up now? Does this look like the right place to have this conversation”? He asked.
“You insisted on knowing what was on my mind and I decided to tell you”. I explained.
“Well if I had known it was something so ridiculous, I would not have insisted”. He said to me. He was getting very upset and I knew it was best not to pursue the matter any further.
“I am going to see if your mother needs help in the kitchen”. I said as I tried to get up from the living room sofa.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me back on the sofa.
“Adesewa, I love you. I have loved you since you were a geeky teenager with big teeth and dorky glasses and I love you now. I want to marry you, there is no question of that in my head and in my heart. I know you want to marry me too, so whatever the distraction is just get rid of it and focus ok?” He had the classic romantic Tunji look which always melted my heart on his face. This time though it didn’t work I was still as confused as ever.
I nodded and he leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. I smiled and he let go of my hand. I was still a bit shaken and so I got up and went to the kitchen to help his mum with the food.
After we had set the table, I went to find Tunji but he was not in the living room where I had left him. I went out to the balcony to find him and he was there looking very angry.
“Are you ok Tunji? What happened? I asked.
He shoved a phone in my face and I recognized it to be mine. I had left it right beside him when I had gone to the kitchen to assist his mum.
“What is going on Tunji”? I asked.
“Why the hell is Chigozie my staff sending you messages and asking when you are up for another date”? He asked angrily. “I went through your phone and I can see you two have been texting and calling each other all week! What in the world is going on here and you better not lie to me young lady!”
How in the world was I to explain this without looking like a liar and without getting Chigozie fired?