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Choosing your prince wisely

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There comes a stage in a woman’s life when she starts thinking of settling down. When I say settling down, I mean getting married. Time waits for no one. A man can decide to stay till he’s 40 before he gets married but if a woman is still single at 40, something is definitely wrong somewhere. Time is valuable but for a woman, it is even more valuable.  If you have heard your girlfriends talking about their “clock ticking,”(I have), you know what I mean. There’s a saying that goes like this: you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you can meet your prince. It is utterly important for a woman to be able to correctly identify the prince who will make her happy. Without this ability, a woman can be trapped in a disastrous relationship that not only wastes years of her time, but also leaves her broken hearted in the end. There are actually two types of “frogs” that disguise themselves as princes.  So ladies, please Beware!

The “manservant” Frog:
My friend told me about the story of her aunt. She narrates: “My aunt is the most beautiful woman in my family.  She has luscious black hair, a beautiful figure, and a killer personality that is truly one of a kind.  Whenever I was in her presence, I felt “high.”  There’s something about her that electrifies people and stirs them on the deepest level.  I am not the only person to have felt it.  She hypnotizes men who come across her path.  When I was young, I used to firmly believe that she would marry a very important and powerful man one day.  He would treat her like a true princess. She almost did!  Almost, that was, if she had rejected the frog that hindered her path to the palace.  My aunt met this particular guy at a school concert when she was in school. He was actually anchoring the concert; he was one of those “club boys”. So after the show, she went to tell him how she loved the concert afterwards.  Apparently quite smitten, he suggested having dinner with her that same night.  Their passion for music quickly grew around them. Shortly after, they were passionately in love! Unfortunately, the man needed to travel extensively and could only see my aunt once every few weeks.  She missed him terribly and was impatient for his return.

One of my aunt’s classmates at her university has had a crush on her for a long time.  Realizing that this other man was not her type, she had been very firm about rejecting his advances.  Being an expert at understanding women’s emotions, this man started to approach my aunt by positioning himself as a loyal audience whenever she wanted to talk about the other guy.  He would listen for hours, while my aunt talked about her longings for the other man. He also volunteered to be at her disposal if she needed anything so to say. Gradually, my aunt started to depend on him emotionally.  While the other guy was busy and away, this man was always there for her.  My aunt started to think, maybe he, rather than the other guy, was her true prince. I mean, Hadn’t his devotion proved it?

So sadly, a few months later, when the other guy returned, he realized that he had lost her. Everyone thought that after winning my aunt over with so much effort, her school classmate would treasure her. Unfortunately, his devotion faded after they were married. A few years into the marriage, he had an affair with another married woman.  Needless to say, my aunt was devastated. That was a touching story.

Why this frog is so attractive:
The major problem about women is that they have a terrible insecurity about being alone. It is a scary prospect to go into an unknown future all by yourself, without a strong and supportive man by your side.  During the day, when we are busy running around and solving problems, we don’t think about it.  But during those lonely nights, when we are lying on the big bed, unable to sleep, we long to have warm and strong shoulders to lean on. I can testify to that, I tell you. The “manservant” frog understands this insecurity in a woman. He modifies his behavior to make the woman feel safe, secure, and to have her depend on him emotionally.  Once she gets used to the man, and can’t turn back, his real character emerges.

Why should smart women avoid this frog? 
We can always hire a servant. We don’t need to marry one!  But the real reason is that a mature woman should always know her true worth and refuse to settle for less.  We will always feel insecurities sometimes. There will be times when even the strongest woman hopes that she has someone to lean on. But the fear of being alone should never be the force to push a woman into a man’s arm.  We all need some courage in life. There will be nights that we have to bite our lips and bear the loneliness. There will be times that we have to go to our friends’ weddings or anniversaries alone and feel extremely self-conscious.  There will be tough times!  But do have that courage and faith in believing in your true worth. Believe me! After a stormy night, the day will be breathtakingly beautiful! So take your time and believe in yourself.

The manipulative Frog:
Preye is a great girl!  We went to the same university and became friends. Although a bit timid, Preye is a loyal, caring, and loving person. A woman with a golden heart!  While working on her degree, she met a man at a friend’s birthday party.  He was deadly handsome, nice abs, and dangerously charming.  He always knew the right things to say to Preye and her friends. We all thought that he was a good catch for Preye and wished that he had a brother or a cousin who was single! Well, girlfriends should help each other, right? Lol.

After a few months into the relationship, we started to realize that something was not right with Preye. She had always been a happy person! But recently, she had become increasingly reticent, distracted, and, I hate to say the word, but depressed. All her friends were concerned, but she kept reassuring us that everything was fine. So one day, when we had a girls’ night out, I saw her anxiously checking her cellphone.  At last it vibrated and Preye ran outside to answer it!  A few minutes later she came back and said she had to go!  I could tell she was like a terrified rabbit and was on the verge of crying. We decided to go drop her as one of the girls had a car. We decided to find out exactly what was going on!

On the way to her boyfriend’s apartment, Preye finally broke down and told us what was going on.  It turned out that charming man was a big manipulator!  He treated Preye like a princess during the first two months. After realizing she was falling in love with him, he changed. He started to act aloof, moody, and even rude at times. He didn’t return Preye’s phone calls and didn’t show up for their dates. When Preye complained, he ignored her and became unreachable for days. Preye didn’t know if she had done something to turn a loving man into a rude person.  She thought by trying hard and being “good” she could eventually win him back and make him act loving towards her again. To please him, Preye started to act like the maid.  She ran his errands, did his laundry, cooked for him, and cleaned his apartment. All these things only made him demand more. The phone call Preye received earlier that night was from him, demanding to know why she didn’t pick up his clothes from the drycleaners that day. Hearing this really set my blood boiling! With the other girls in the car, we tried our best to convince her to leave him immediately. But Preye stayed for two more months. Eventually he dumped her for another girl. Preye was crushed.

Why this frog is so attractive?
This frog understands that when a woman feels insecure or guilty, she will try harder to prove herself. In Preye’s case, he successfully inflicted the sense of guilt in her by turning from hot to cold.  The sense of guilt motivated her to compensate for him. Sensing her efforts didn’t help only it made matters worse. Preye tried harder to please him.  This provided the perfect opportunity for him to take advantage of her and make her his maid.

Once a person is on the road of proving herself, it can become an obsession. As a smart woman, you need to know your intrinsic worth and understand that nobody can make you feel insecure and guilty without your permission. You are the only one who can judge yourself, so judge lovingly! If after hearing Preye’s story, you still want to date this frog, you must enjoy pain!  Bad, bad, bad idea, ladies!  Bad!

To our happiness. Cheers.


In this article:
Kemi AmushanRelationships

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