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Don’t be too overbearing

By Kemi Amushan   |   08 October 2016   |   3:02 am

When we want to start dating, some of us take partners, others take prisoners. Do you get what I mean? I am sure most of us have heard about the classic complaints from guys: ‘She always wants to be around’, ‘I do not get to do anything by myself anymore’, ‘I just need a little space’, ‘She hates my friends’, ‘She always asks so many questions’, ‘She must think I’m cheating’, ‘She needs so much attention’. What are we talking about ladies? One of men’s biggest fears when it comes to dating is a clingy woman.

Now please do not misunderstand me ladies, every guy loves, loves, loves the attention we shower on them when the relationship starts and they love showering us with that same attention in return. It is one of their most favorite times of the relationship. But what they do not like is when that affectionate attention takes a turn towards nagging or being too needy.

Nagging or neediness or complaining or bugging or keeping tabs or otherwise trying to change men, that’s when they start to resent that attention we give them. I am going to explain why.

A big reason why a lot of guys try to steer clear of having an official ‘relationship’ is that perceived loss of freedom. Men feel like they lose a bit, sometimes a lot, of themselves in a relationship because so much of the ‘relating’ revolves around us. The fear of this makes a lot of guys run from relationships. One of the big myths about this is that if a guy is pulling away no matter how much attention you are heaping on him it must be because he is just not that into you. Wrong.

It is not that men do not want to be around us; it is just that they do not want to be around us constantly. Guys want to be proud to be with us, they want to know that they are dating an independent woman who has her own life that does not totally revolve around them. That makes it much better when you two are together and it gives the men something to brag to their guy friends about. They are with us because they are interested in our lives. You need to show them that your life is interesting by continuing to live it! Trust me ladies, that is a huge plus and will make you 10 times more attractive to any guy!

Another myth is that if a guy does not want you around all the time it must be because he has someone else. Again, that is a wrong assumption to make. Here is how it works in a man’s mind. Over time, that clingy behavior, you always wanting to be around, always wanting to know what he is doing and whom he is doing it with tends to make guys think you do not trust them. I know it is not easy trusting because of what we might have gone through before with another guy but they are with us most of the time because they want to make us happy. They want to be ‘that guy’ for us. When a guy starts to think that you do not trust him or that you do not believe in him he just stops trying. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy ladies. Accuse or suspect a faithful guy of cheating or keeping secrets enough times and eventually he will prove you right.

When you ask men about clingy women the word that keeps coming up over and over again is ‘suffocation’. Guys sense a lack of space. A loss of control. A loss of freedom. It is the kiss of death to any relationship. But remembering this one important thing can save your relationship. Remember that relationships are a place to go to give first, then receive. Remember that you are there to help make your partner happy first, then in return they choose to do all those things that make you happy.

It is the ‘them choosing you’ part that makes relationships so great! Men want you to be loving. Men want you to be attentive. What men do not want is to feel like you are smothering them. You do not have to take him hostage in order to get the time and attention that you need. Ladies, think of your guy like a fine wine, let him breathe. Do not be afraid to give him his space. You will find that the more space you give him, the less space he will need. And in return he will give you all the time and attention you could possible ask for and more!
To our happiness. Cheers.

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