Drop the mask…
watching a relationship I admired so much dis-integrate made me realise how much damage the mask of deception can do to even the best of relationships. Anytime my mind wonders back to what used to be an enviable relationship among my circle of friends, I am usually filled with lots of “if only,” but it’s all water under the bridge now.
Once trust can no longer be established between two individuals in a relationship, the collapse of such a relationship is inevitable, that is, there’s very little that can hold it together again.
They were a great couple, such that after spending a few minutes with them, you are instantly inspired to make whatever relationship you find yourself in. They made heads turn wherever they went and it was their case that really made the “love business” quite appealing to me.
You can then imagine my shock the very afternoon the guy dropped in on me unexpectedly, in fact, he almost pushed me down as I opened the door and made to ask about his “shadow” (that’s what we call either of them when one shows up at a place without the other). It was not the usual well-dressed man that I saw that afternoon, he looked so dishevelled and kept muttering, “Why did she not tell me? I could have married her, even with kids.”
Initially, I thought that was some joke until he broke down, after some minutes of muttering to himself and staring into space, and explained everything to me.
Well, the crux of the gist is that he suddenly discovered his woman of three years was not only married before, but the little girl she claimed was her younger sister is actually her daughter from that first marriage. I can’t explain how devastated the news made me because I was also kept in the dark, despite the fact that the lady in question is supposedly a close friend.
Apparently, a disgruntled element from her past thought it was time to put sand in her garri.Need I tell you that that was how the marriage plans packed up? No amount of begging would bring back the guy. Both have gone their separate ways now, but with a very deep scar.
To me, nothing is worse than living with the guilt that you fed lies to someone you are supposedly meant to be nothing but yourself to. Wearing a mask of deception smacks of desperation and low self-esteem…you are scared of being rejected or not being approved of but you and I know how unreliable a shaky foundation could be-in every phase of life. It collapses when you need it to stand most
Does it not make more sense that the records are set straight ab initio? This way, if it works…it works, otherwise-everyone goes his or her own way in good faith.
Absolute honesty won’t be a setback if you are with the right person, and this has always been my guiding principle.
Living a “masked life” is actually a burden to the spirit.What is worth throwing “you” away for then? I have come to believe that it’s the fear of rejection that makes some people put on the mask.
Almost everyone of us wants people to get real with us but our attitudes sometimes encourage them to put on the mask, what with us constantly shoving our expectations in their face? A soul that dreads rejection will gladly put on the mask to ‘belong’, please or be accepted. Can we learn to encourage people to be themselves via our attitudes for once?
I am of the opinion that if you learn how to let people be themselves, accepting each individual for who he is, and not what you want them to be, we will see less of the mask in our dealings and honesty of purpose will start occupying the front burner.
To you, the “mask wearer”…nobody should be strong enough to make you what/whom you are not. If anyone is going to reject you for being you, please bid them farewell and move on.
They are simply wrong for you.The right person will come along in due season. But if you think wearing a mask, that is, claiming who or what you are not is the only way to be in his/her “acceptance book” -please think again. The very day you are “unmasked,” which always happens, you will lose more than you would have lost, if you had simply walked away with your dignity intact.
Nothing is worth throwing “you” away for.Your relationship motto should be…-“if it works-it works, otherwise, everybody moves on.” The right person does eventually come along, and when that happens, those very virtues that brought about rejection are actually what he/she will celebrate in you and that can also be the magic bond, but before then-you’ve got to drop the mask!