Expectations cut short
Most times we expect too much from our partners. It could either be a good thing or a bad thing but the bad is more than the good. It’s a wise man who once said, “There’s no real point in getting into a relationship if it’s not going to make you better than you were before going into it.”
When you really stop to think about it, there is actually a lot of truth to that resolve. When offering relationship advice to my friends, something that I remind them is that when they’re in the process of choosing someone to share their life with, they need to look for the kind of person who will be able to support them, nurture them and help them to evolve into a better version of themselves. After all, that’s one of the benefits of having a true love experience. But sometimes there’s a fine line between expecting someone to be a good partner and looking for them to be your saviour; in sharing your life with someone or looking for them to be your entire world.
In hopes that you will not put unrealistic expectations on your relationship, I wanted to share with you five signs that you might be expecting the love of your life or partner to be super human.
You Don’t Tend To Take Personal Responsibility
A married male friend of mine once told me the story about his wife and her eyeglasses. He would purchase her a pair, she would “lose them” and then simply expect him to get her some more. After this happened a couple of times over the course of a few months, he finally confronted her about it. She always had some kind of justification as to why the glasses would go missing instead of simply saying “I need to do a better job of keeping up with my things.” My point is this: Something that a relationship is to do is help you to grow as an individual. That can only happen if you’re willing to take personal responsibility for the mistakes or poor choices that you make. Don’t assume that your partner should “bail you out” so much as help you out each and everytime. You definitely are not helping yourself.
You Expect Him To Be Your “Void Filler”
One of the most important thing I’ve learnt as a single lady is that being single is beneficial. It is in the sense that it provides you with the opportunity to really get to know who you are. Not just as it relates to your likes and dislikes or dating preferences but also the space to look at how your past directly influences your future. If you have issues with your parents or an ex-boyfriend, it’s really best to try and resolve that before getting into a serious relationship. If you don’t, you could inadvertently expect your significant other to be the “void filler” in your life. By that I mean, you might hold them responsible for or accountable to the things that happened to you long before they ever came into the picture. And that’s too much pressure for anyone to have to deal with.
You Have A Hard Time Forgiving
Something that all of us need to accept before getting into a relationship with someone is that they are human and so they are going to make mistakes. When you’re someone who has a hard time forgiving or you tend to hold a grudge, it’s a sign that you are resenting for someone who for not meeting your expectations and that’s not fair to you or to them. You want someone to forgive you when you don’t make the best choices, right? Try and extend the same courtesy to them.
You Look To Him To Make You Feel Good About Yourself
If you don’t feel smart, beautiful and accomplished before getting into a relationship, there’s a big chance that you’re going to expect the man in your life to be your self-esteem cheerleader on a constant basis. And while it’s always a good thing to be with someone who can affirm and encourage you, they should not be expected to make you feel good about yourself 24 hours a day. That is something that you need to do for yourself, preferably before he arrives. Otherwise, there’s a pretty good chance that a lot of your communication will consist of fishing for compliments rather than simply supporting one another. And that can get to be pretty exhausting.
You Want Him To Be “Mr. Fix It” (For Everything)
Even the best kind of man is not going to have all of the answers all of the time. Besides, the sign of a true partnership is that the two of you are willing to work together in order to figure out solutions to problems. If you are looking for your partner to be “Mr. Fix It” for every obstacle that comes your way, not only are you setting yourself up to be disappointed but you’re also setting him up for failure. Remember that superheroes only exist in comic books and cartoons. Don’t expect your partner to “save the day”, just to have your back.
I hope these tips would help in changing and making you a better person. Work on yourself before you jump into that relationship or else it will be a recipe for disaster.
To our happiness. Cheers.
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