Irony of life…
Below is the story that a lady shared with me, sometime back. “MY experience in life so far is rather an irony of life…especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
We were only married for about two years when I learned (caught him red handed-actually) about my husband’s extra-marital affairs and…I went berserk.
It was just painful to discover that a man who should still be besotted in a young marriage was already peeping out. I could not take it and so, I left his home. He didn’t exactly make spirited efforts to bring me home. But after a while, our families intervened.
By the time, I made up my mind to go back home, the other lady that he was having affairs with had already moved in. And she was expecting his baby! Thus began my journey of single motherhood. Our twin girls were barely walking when I took them with me.
One has tried to pick up the pieces of her life. And I have been able to do that successfully with my career…by God’s grace. But my love life has been an entirely different outcome. Over the years, I have realized that our men don’t do well with women with baggage (divorcees, widows, single mothers).
They can have an affair with you for as long as it can last, but making an honest woman of you is a huge challenge to most of them. Probably because somewhere in their subconscious…they see you as “reduced.” Preferring to “chop and clean mouth” with you.
It could also be because, deep down, most men can’t really accept the children that didn’t come from them biologically. Don’t get me wrong. Some men can but those are the exceptional few. Even those of them that have more complicated baggage are choosy. My point is that most of our men do not have such large hearts as women…when it comes to embracing children that didn’t come from one biologically. The real irony of my life…
I left my husband because he cheated on me but most of the men that one ended up with out there are equally taken! God knows… I didn’t set out to ensnare any married man. I only wanted love. But I also have emotional and physical needs. When I looked past their marital status…I began to see immense ‘goodness’ in these men. Yet, nothing beats ‘having your own man’.
Ladies, as wonderful as that married man is, he will always go home to his real owner. Don’t always be in a hurry to leave your home-once your marriage is shaken. You may not be rushing out to a better option! This is a bitter lesson from my experience. Stay back in your home and fight that battle, except there is a physical threat to your life.
Even if you want to punish a wayward husband…do so from your home, if you still want the marriage, that is. Otherwise, having a man get used to your absence is a costly marital mistake. Moving out can really dislocate one. And God help you if you end up perpetually at the mercy of friends/relations.
A lot of our young men are not yet experienced in handling women with baggage (children, previous marriage, etc). An affair with you is more like it for them, but expecting anything more from them will be to your own disappointment.
And the ones that could have handled things better…are mostly taken. I regret having to grope for love aimlessly-while another has taken my position without batting an eyelid. I am not asking you to give a cheating husband a pat on the back. I am advising women to learn to fight their battles from their comfort zone. Don’t dislocate yourself in a rage of anger and end up being at the mercy of others.
Friends and relatives won’t always understand, especially if you have become an economic burden. If you must quit, plan well. And quitting should only be because you want to create a better life (e.g. empowerment) for yourself.
Not necessarily to rush into the arms of a waiting Romeo. There are no waiting Romeos out there. Ninety-five per cent of the men you will meet out there are either taken or can’t deal your kind of baggage on a long-term basis. The rest are those you can’t deal with, most have more complicated baggage. Life does offer a second chance. And ‘he’ could be in that five percent. But leaving a cheating husband and ending up in a relationship with a married man is, to me, an irony of life!’’
Worthy of note are these…
. There are no ‘spotless’ Romeos out there. Everyone has flaws. All depends on what you can deal.
. Our men are not so generous when it comes to making an honest woman of a broken woman!