Loneliness in relationships
Love is a wonderful feeling. I am sure each and everyone of you have fallen in love once or twice before or even severally. For some people like me, we believe that a person can love one or more persons. It is very possible trust me.
When one finds love, the common expectation is to bask in blissful, love-infused happiness for the rest of your days.
Granted, this imagery may sound a lot like a fairy-tale, but because that is the story we have been taught since the time we were small girls and boys. It is the unspoken expectation whether you admit it to yourself or not. Therefore, when love is found, it is understandable that it is a major shock for many when they discover that being in a relationship turns out to be lonelier than being single.
If you have ever experience loneliness in relationships, you know just how upsetting and isolating it can be. In fact, because there is such a social pressure to appear like everything is “perfect” in love, most people who experience this phenomenon typically suffer in silence. They do not even share it with their closest friends!
If this is you or if you know someone who is experiencing loneliness in their relationships, here are some transformational ways to take the loneliness out of the relationship.
* You need to identify what your relationship values are so that you can see what you spend the majority of your time, money, and energy on.
I have several friends who have experienced loneliness in their relationships. Even I too have experienced such and I am still experiencing it and after I sat with my girlfriends to talk about it to explore the values, we discovered the huge values that were missing from our lists! Specifically: closeness, intimacy, connection, passion, and even love. After a couple of hours, we were able to shift our values so that we became in alignment with what we actually want in that relationship. Having awareness of your values offers perfect understanding of why you do what you do. So become aware!
*Take responsibility for the 100% for your half of the relationship.
Pointing fingers at your mate leaves 3 pointing back at you. What are you doing that is causing this loneliness? Sure, maybe your partner has not been on the ball, but who cares! If you are unhappy, the change has to start with you!
Being willing to take full responsibility to play at 100% in your half of the relationship can only lead to good things.
Ask yourself questions like..
“How can I ramp up the intimacy and closeness?
“What small action can I take to step in that direction?”
“How can I give my partner more of what I am missing?” (i.e. intimacy, talking, openness, etc).
Remember that, if you always do the same thing, expect to get the same results! If you want something different, do something different! It is as simple as that.
*If you have always been independent, and you see yourself as an independent person inside of your relationship, there is a good chance that you have strategies (unconscious programming that leads to all behaviour) in place that are working against what you have decided that you want (i.e. a blissful and love-filled relationship).
This was definitely the case for me. I was so used to being fiercely independent in my life, that when I found someone I loved, I discovered how very different it is being in a committed relationship versus being single. I realized that the strategies I had for being an independent woman when I was single no longer worked. Being an independent woman while simultaneously being a woman in a deeply committed relationship needed new strategies. Clearly and understandably!
So, with a little strategy shift, it is easy to be independent and grow a gorgeous relationship that, I feel, is absolutely perfect for me.
Finally, I want you to know that you deserve to have everything you want in your life. You deserve to be spectacularly happy. You deserve to be completely healthy and you deserve to be wealthy with all the riches that life has to offer, including a deeply intimate and rewarding relationship. When you start being the change you wish to see and taking responsibility for your contribution to the relationship, I promise that amazing, positively life-changing transformation will follow.
To our happiness. Cheers.
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