Moment of truth
I knew there was no getting through to Tunji. He was too emotional to be objective about our predicament. The funny thing was even though Tunji had flown all the way to have a conversation about our relationship, it was Chigozie I wanted to talk to.
It was Chigozie I was too ashamed to face. How could I have given so much of my time and attention so soon? Was it an act of desperation? Was it an act of boredom? Was it just an act of defiance against my parents to show them they couldn’t control me?
It was becoming clearer to me that I had a self-discovery journey I needed to embark on, before I could embark on a lifetime journey with anyone.
“Adesewa, are you in trouble? Is someone blackmailing you? Tell me, let us fix it together”. Tunji said to me.
He had a pleading look in his eyes. A wave of guilt washed over me. It was obvious he wanted to desperately believe that my running away wasn’t about him. He wanted to save me. The same way he had always saved me. Like when I was struggling with mathematics and he had tutored me, when he had taught me how to drive, and how to swim and when I had issues with my parents and he had swooped in and saved the day.
That was the problem, I felt like his project and I couldn’t tell him out of the fear that I would sound ungrateful.
My friend Tosin had once accused of having self-esteem issues and constantly seeking validation. I didn’t speak to her for weeks after that. Not because I was offended but because I knew there was an element of truth in her statement. Why did I feel like I had to make everyone happy with me? Why did I feel like without Tunji I would be lost? Why did I feel like I needed Chigozie to choose me and fight for me, just to prove to myself that another man could find me worthy of his affections? I had a deep rooted problem and I had to let the man I had agreed to marry know what was going on in my head.
“Tunji, I am not in trouble and I am not being blackmailed. I have a problem and I need to find myself, so I don’t ruin my future and yours”. I said
‘’What do you mean find yourself? You are only twenty seven Adesewa and you have things that women your age can only fantasize about. I knew it was a bad idea to allow you stay back in England after your Masters”. He said.
“There you go! It was a bad idea to allow me stay back? Am I a child? Allow me? Like it wasn’t my decision to make”? I was angry and trying very hard to keep my emotions in check.
“What is wrong with you? We have planned our lives together for the last eight or nine years so why is it now a problem to you”? He was also very upset and I knew I had to end the conversation before it got out of hand.
“We have not planned our lives together Tunji, you have planned your life and added me as garnishing and I have accepted it. Yes I have my own issues and I am trying to deal with them but don’t come here and make it look like I am being unreasonable and ungrateful because I am not! I need time to figure things out, it is a very valid reaction to my confusion and I cannot apologize for that even if you refuse to understand it”!
My outburst was interrupted by a sharp knock at my door. I wasn’t expecting anyone and so I didn’t move. Tunji headed for the door.
He opened the door and standing there was Mr. Ken, head of my father’s security team.
He exchanged casual greetings with Tunji and then addressed me;
“Ms. Adesewa, your father wants you now”.
I knew the drill, it wasn’t the first time it was happening. I simply walked out of the room and headed for the elevator.
Mr. Ken’s goons would be in the hotel room packing up my stuff while I waited in the car and my father would be waiting in his study when I got home.
Unlike the other times, I had already made up my mind. I wasn’t going to beg or grovel. This time I was simply going to tell the truth and bear whatever consequences came with doing so.