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Protect your territory, but…

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A lady who resides in a different state from her husband (as a result of her job) once told me how stories about her husband’s sister in-law (who is a widow) and who has become a regular visitor, often staying for days in her home, was filtering to her hearing and she was really spoiling for a showdown with the woman. Also considering the thought of quitting her job to join her husband.

My response to her is below…

The other woman is not always an enemy…circumstances of life can make any woman ‘the other woman’ tomorrow, thus an understanding of sorts is needed.

You have every right to protect your territory, but I just do not want you to get overly worked up on this. I always advise women in your shoes to HEAR NO EVIL AND SEE NO EVIL…it is the only way you can maintain your sanity when living afar from a spouse.

His gestures towards her might be out of sympathy (over her loss) and nothing more. Don’t forget that traditionally, her children are his children, too, and by extension-she is also his responsibility.

He has every right to look into her welfare. That woman’s kind of loss is not easy to deal with.

If coming around is her own way of dealing with her hurts-why not see it from that angle?

I really would like you to make an effort to get close to her, call her as often as you call those giving you her gists, discuss women’s issues with her, encourage her-find out if she is interested in dating again…in case you come across someone you can match-make her with.

I just feel we should learn to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes-such will go a long way in moderating our mindset towards the circumstances of others.

There are more ‘polite’ ways to keep her off your territory e.g. putting in words with friends that can help you match-make her.

The presence of a man in her life will distract her real good! Women are EMOTIONAL BEINGS…we tend to sway (emotionally) towards our benefactors.

If the allegations are true and you go about this in a commando (confrontational) style-believe me, the lovebirds will simply get smarter and shift base.

Some of us do not seem to understand that having a job (KEEPING BUSY) is a huge tonic to a woman’s self-esteem and emotions.

May I ask…quit your job to be doing what? Fold arms and legs to keep watch over your husband for 24 hours daily? Will you also be following him on business trips and meetings out of town?

I keep telling ladies that most men cannot be policed about! A man that is bent on PLAYING AWAY will still find a way. Take your mind off such and focus on being a wife, a mother and TAKE CARE OF YOU TOO…your happiness depends on your state of mind. Nothing beats the SEXINESS of a woman that is sure of herself.

Make troubles and lose the magic touch.

And let’s face it…even if she stops coming to the house…he will still continue to accord her same gestures, even probably through other means.

I see her gestures as one who is simply at home-where she feels welcomed. It’s just that our world has become so bad that there is no trust anymore…gone are those days when a woman would travel and her ‘co-wife’ will take over the feeding of her kids and husband until she is back. I witnessed a kind of co-operation between my mum and my late uncle’s wife and both women are still close till this day. We grew up having her in the picture; she is even a livelier person than my mum when it comes to gisting us about her various childhood ‘misdeeds.’

It is left for you if you really want to go all- confrontational and God help you if these are mere allegations.

If you want to quit your job, do so because it benefits your marriage/home more that you are closer and ‘hands on’…not because you want to police your husband.

That is a SUICIDE MISSION.

If you also decide to get physical with the other lady, you must bear in mind that you are not the only one who can fight…she may even be more rugged than she appears.

So two can square it off but I bet you, if it ever gets to the point of getting physical with her…you may have succeeded in emboldening her. Same problem you can attend to by gently SHOOING her off your husband, bearing in mind the CLINGY (to a benefactor) nature of women who have emotional issues. Once a man she likes a bit comes into her life…she will get busy elsewhere.


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