Step 1: Remain calm, don’t react until you have a plan. I know the default reaction is to become defensive which can be dangerous. At this point, he may have more evidence than you realize so becoming defensive makes you look like a big liar when he unravels more of the mystery.
The next alternative which would most likely come to mind is to apologize immediately. This also is dangerous because if his reaction was based on a suspicion or on incomplete information, your immediate apology validates his suspicions and gives him room to accuse you of any and everything that comes to his mind.
I guess now you understand why you must remain calm.
My reaction to Tunji at that point was to simply look him in the eye, turn around and walk away. I walked up the stairs and to his old room where I knew no one could hear our voices. It also gave me time to think.Of course he followed me!
Step 2: Find out all he knows before you speak. Men have the tendency of blowing things out of proportion. You need to find out what exactly he is thinking and how much damage control you have to do.
He walked into the room and angrily slammed the door shut.
“I was talking to you, and you just walked away’! He said angrily.
“Tunji, I didn’t want your mum and the maids overhearing our conversation. You know I don’t like upsetting you’’. I spoke very calmly.
His face relaxed a bit and he took a deep breath then spoke,
“Adesewa, why is my staff texting and calling you, and asking for another date? Have you been flirting with him”? He asked.
Ok so going by his question, I had deduced that he had only the information he had seen on my phone. Also, he was wasn’t sure what to think. Notice he had asked me a direct question, instead of attacking me with a bunch of accusations. That is always a good sign. Which brings me to step 3.
Step 3: Give a very logical and rational explanation for your actions and choose your words very carefully. Men are logical, women are emotional. If you respond with too much emotions he may assume you are trying to emotionally blackmail him into believing your story or he may pronounce you guilty. If your explanation is logical on the other hand, he will analyze it carefully and if he cannot find loopholes, then the matter ends there. Ever heard the phrase “think like a man”?
“Tunji, I don’t understand why you would assume that I would flirt with your staff. Even if I wanted to flirt with anyone, why in the world would it be your staff? That is disrespectful to both of us. I am disappointed that you would even think that of me. The guy took an entire week off work to help us with our wedding plans because you were too busy to do so. Is it too much that I took him out to lunch once? Is it too much, that he occasionally checks in on me and I respond?” I asked him innocently.
“I don’t understand why he feels the need to check up on you every day and why you didn’t tell me about this lunch till now and if it was an innocent lunch, why is he referring to it as a date”? He asked.
“In case you don’t know, I get very bored sometimes. My friends are at work during the week and you are hardly around. Every time I try to make conversation with you while you are at work, you tell me you are busy and would call back and you hardly do so. I haven’t lived in this town for five years, all those calls you saw between us are mostly calls where I ask him for directions, or locations and stuff. You yourself told me he is a very resourceful guy and I agree. He has been very helpful and honestly I don’t know how I would have coped with the wedding wahala and settling in without his help. If you want to fire one of your best hands because he is too comfortable around your fiancée, its fine but please when you do so, leave me out of it. I find it hypocritical that you would fire your employee for simply following the direct order you gave him which was to be at my beck and call”. I was very calm as I made my points known.
He leaned against the door, I could tell he was unsure of what his reaction should be. He looked upset, but I knew the worst was over. I smiled and walked over to him,
“Babe, smile now or are you jealous of Chigozie”? I teased.
“Never! How can I be jealous of my employee’’? He asked.
“Then smile” I said.
He remained frozen on the spot, his expression stone cold.
I looked around the room.
“Can you remember how you used to sneak me into this room, when my parents were out of town and your parents won’t even know I was in the house”? I asked as I reached out and touched his arm lightly. “Mr. Smooth operator”.
I could see a smile forming at the corner of his mouth.
“Remember the day I tried to sneak you into my own room and my dad caught you waiting underneath the staircase. You almost wet your pants’’. The story was one of our most hilarious memories ever and so we both burst out laughing.
“Was it my fault that you were a lousy smuggler? I always smuggled you into my house undetected. The one time you were to smuggle me into your room we got busted”! He exclaimed.
“Well we got into a lot of trouble but at least our parents found out about our relationship which was definitely a good thing’ I said.
“I don’t know about that. With you having my employee as your back up dude and all’’ He said.
“Why would I need a backup dude when I have the real deal by my side? Come on! Can I share all these throw back stories with anyone else hmmmmm’’? I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders and I laughed.
“Oya what do you want me to do”? I asked.
“Stop talking to Chigozie, that’s all I want’’. He said.
“Done. But you also have to do something for me, stop going through my phone. It makes me feel like you don’t trust me’’. I said to him.
He was about to say something but then he paused, eventually he said;
“I can’t guarantee that, but I’ll try.”
He had always been that way and it was obvious marriage wasn’t going to change him. He always asked about strange numbers or messages on my phone. Always wanted to know who every new friend was, why I didn’t pick my phone at a certain time and my whereabouts each time we spoke. I wanted to pursue the matter but I decided against it. One matter at a time.
I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. We heard his mother call out our names and so he opened the door and ushered me out.
As for not speaking to Chigozie anymore, I am very curious about how that would turn out.
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