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The bigger generosity

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The man that most of us ladies will adjudge to be “a correct man” is one who will simply says, “let me have your account details’’ or “how much are we talking about here?’’ When he asks why you are frowning that face or sounding “somehow” over the phone and you tell him that you are broke.

This is the kind of man that doesn’t need to ask twice before most ladies visit his house to greet him. I mean, such men don’t sweat it before “netting” most ladies. Their cash, and willingness to dole it out, does the talking for them.

Naturally, they are the ones we love so fast, and are quick to attach the “caring” tag to. They are also most likely the kind of guys that will ask you, a lady, to simply pick your handbag, take a taxi and start heading back home, because his mechanic is already on his way to where you said your car packed up.
Yet …

Few ladies realize that the guy who should be given a chance is one who, on hearing your empty purse lamentation, remains pensive for a moment before saying, “I will see what I can do.” This kind of guy likes to play safe. He can never be caught making promises that he can’t keep-no matter the pressure. He impresses and surprises through his actions. And never through lofty words.

He is also the type that is most likely to drive down with the mechanic to wherever you said your car packed up…wait for the mechanic to get the car fixed, drives back with you in his car-while the mechanic comes back in yours.

The mantra of anybody that is searching should be, “that I may recognize what I need when I see it ’’. We are quick to cancel out what we don’t want, especially when it doesn’t appear in the exact format in our heads. But most of us still do not have a grasp of what it is that we actually need…when it comes to matters of the heart.

A lady is most likely to have “caring” as the number one quality she desires in a man, but once a man has not shown up in the latest wonder on wheels and acting “father Christmas”… he is not caring! As if being caring is only how much money a man can give.

One who wants you for a one-night pleasure gives money too. So also is the one who gives you a black eye at the slightest provocation. Giving money shows “caring” but there are also the gifts of: Attention, Honour, Kindness, Respect, Selflessness, Time, Understanding, etc.

The latter category of giving denotes emotional generosity, which, to me, is the bigger generosity. A man once asked me to advise him on the lady to settle for in marriage, as he was seeing two ladies at a time. One of the ladies was earning so much that a comfortable lifestyle is assured for them, even with the peanuts that he was earning. The other lady was still struggling to find her feet but, according to him, she is most respectful to him. His dilemma is understandable-being that he is a struggling young man who can do with every support that comes his way.

I told him to go for the respectful lady, as that is who he would live with when the chips are down. Money can always come but when an attitude is impossible-even money can’t save the day in that marriage.

. Seek that man/woman who wastes no time in rushing to your side-whenever you call on him.
. Seek that man/woman who is ever willing to share the little he has with you. One who can share out of his little will have no problems sharing when ‘more’ comes.
. Seek that man/woman who seeks to understand your story through your struggles without pointing to how you can be good enough for him/her.
. Seek that man/woman who is happy for you, happy about your achievements and tolerant of your shortcomings.
. Seek man that who doesn’t see your soaring to your calling as “growing wings” or “opening eyes.”
. Seek that man/woman who wouldn’t eat until you have eaten.
. Seek that man/woman who has no qualms inconveniencing him/herself for your comfort.
. Seek that man/woman to whom your tear/unhappiness is a great discomfort

These are generosities that can’t be quantified monetarily, yet they matter more in matters of the heart.

The sacrifice that’s made through “personal touch” speaks more volumes than the one done through cash. Nothing beats the presence of a caring heart in a relationship. A full purse has its limitations where emotional fulfillment is involved. Always look out for fairness of attitude in anybody that you are considering a life journey with. They can only hurt you unintentionally!


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1 Comment
  • Mr. Ade

    Insightful!
    Coming from a young woman,this is impressive. Most young women of this age have become money grabbers. No more thoughts of the future. God help your generation.