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“The devil & the deep blue sea”

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DIARYAfter TK left my apartment that night, I expected him to call to apologize he didn’t and I decided there was no point prolonging the inevitable. I didn’t show up at work the next day and the day after that. I had made up my mind I was going to resign. I eventually summed up the courage to tell the only person I could tell, my best friend Banke.

She was still living in America at the time so I had to call her.
Me: Banke. I have something to tell you and please don’t judge me because I already know I messed up.

Banke: Hahhahahaha…What did you do?
Me: It’s pretty serious, and I’m terribly confused.
Banke: Ok I’m listening
Me: I found out Tokunboh is married
Banke: Whaaaaaaaaat? How can?
Me: Chill it gets worse. I’m pregnant for him!
Banke was quiet on the other end so I went on.
Me: I can’t believe I let this happen again after my experience with Emeka. I feel so stupid.

Banke: So what do you want to do?
Me: I’m going to resign because I’m keeping the baby and I don’t need his money.  I will raise my child myself.
Banke: Hmmmmm. But you need to move out of the company guest house and you can’t go to Aunty Titi’s house, it won’t be fair on her. I think you should just come to Yankee and stay with me in California till you have the baby. We will go and meet Afolabi together when you get here and tell him. I don’t think you should do it on the phone.

I couldn’t believe she was offering me a safe haven for 9 months, I was happy. The thought of disappointing my brother again was too much for me to bear but I was keeping the baby no matter what, my mind was made up. Banke’s plan made sense especially since I had been planning a trip to America for my summer vacation and had already gotten my visa and I would also be close to my brother and his family.

I had some money tucked away and knew it would be enough for my travel costs and the first few months of my upkeep, but I had to come up with a plan for the medical costs of having the baby in America and what I would do with my life afterwards.

The next day I sent the head of Human Resources an email informing her I was officially resigning and would pay whatever I owed the company for breaching the one-month notice rule. She acknowledged receipt of my mail and I immediately started trying to make travel arrangement.
Later that night TK showed up at my doorstep…drunk! Yes, drunk! Lol. I was glad my bags were all packed and it was obvious I was leaving for good.
TK: You can’t leave Anjola, I won’t let you!
Me: Watch me.

He sat on the couch and lit a cigarette I stood at a distance and watched him, he looked confused and then he opened up…
TK; After College, I moved back to Nigeria from Washington to do my NYSC. I met a girl; we were serving in the same organization. Her name was Hauwa.  I got in by a mere phone call but she had applied and earned her position there. She was beautiful, ambitious, driven; she had a laugh that intoxicated me like wine. I was so in love with her. We started a relationship and then one day I decided to take her home because I was sure she was the one. That was when the trouble started. My mum treated her like dirt because she was convinced that Hauwa wasn’t “suitable” for me.

I was livid and didn’t speak to my mother for months, I moved out of the family house and my mother threatened to disinherit me, I loved her enough not to care. We carried on with our relationship. Two years after we finished our NYSC, I proposed and she accepted and then all of a sudden she just disappeared. Literally! She was from the North and her parents lived there so I didn’t even know where to look for her and then one day it came. A letter from her telling me she couldn’t carry on with the relationship as she felt we were young and making a mistake.

I later found out that my mother had made her a bargain. A full scholarship to Harvard for her MBA in exchange for breaking my heart, she took my mother’s offer.  I was heartbroken but I realized that maybe she didn’t love me as much as I thought she did if she was willing to sacrifice all we shared for a certificate, but she was always an ambitious person it was one of the things I loved about her.

I eventually got over her but it changed me. I became the ultimate bachelor because I felt every woman had a price. Then two years ago I met Nicole…my wife, soon to be ex on a trip to America. She was so attractive and feisty and she didn’t care who I was or what family I belonged to and I loved that! I was myself with her and I hadn’t felt that way in a long time! She was amazing and I was so attracted to her like a moth to the flame. She got me physically, intellectually on every level but she was divorced with a child and I knew it would be a problem for my family especially my mother.

After only 6 and half months, we got married in Vegas. I didn’t tell my family because I knew they wouldn’t approve. The plan was for her to move to Nigeria after a while. I was really determined to make it work because we connected on many levels it wasn’t crazy love or all that fluffy nonsense I once thought I felt for someone else and I haven’t had that with anyone in a long time, but unfortunately things didn’t work and barely 6 months after the marriage she filed for an annulment.

I tried to get her to change her mind because I don’t believe in divorce, we’ve been through counseling and all but Nicole is determined to end it and I have accepted her decision. She came to Nigeria because she is having financial difficulties and wanted my help. I have agreed to support her and her child till she gets back on her feet and we’ve signed the papers. Our marriage would be over in a matter of days.
There was so much to process. I was curious as to why his wife had filed for a divorce only 6 months after their marriage.
Me: Tokunboh why did she file for an annulment?
He lit another cigarette I knew whatever was coming was big.
TK: I cheated on her, with her best friend and she found out.
A wave of dizziness hit me as he kept dropping bombshells
My mum hates nobodies, like you…Gbam!
I don’t believe in love and all that fluffy nonsense…Gbam!
I share an amazing connection with my ex-wife I don’t share with you…Gbam!
I don’t believe in marriage or monogamy…Gbam!
I am a bloody cheat….Gbam!
I didn’t know what to do because he was not even saying anything about us or what was going to happen now.
Me: So TK what next?

TK: Anjola, I think the world of you and I care deeply for you but I have concluded that love, marriage and monogamy might not be in the cards for me based on the experiences I have shared with you. Whatever you want to happen next I’m on board, but remember that’s my baby in there and whatever you decide has to have me as a part of my child’s life. I won’t compromise on that. Think about it.
It occurred to me that he had made me no promises, given me no guarantees, he had even said he cared deeply not that he loved me. I was at a crossroads. I knew I was in love with him and if I was a part of his life as his “baby mama” I would always want more and considering that I had grown up without a dad I was sure I didn’t want that for my child so it was a catch 22 situation. If I stayed it was at the risk of my heart and happiness, if I left I would be depriving my child of his/her father.

TK left that night giving me a 24-hour deadline to let him know my decision. I was officially on the clock.
DISCLAIMER:
Diary Of A Bored Housewife is a work of fiction and Names, characters, businesses, organizations, associations, places, events and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, events, locales, associations or organizations is entirely coincidental.


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