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The rules…

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I call them “the rules” because that’s what it absolutely seems like- to me. May be, some rules for the women…from the men folk.I must admit that I really don’t know the source but it is making the rounds on the social media and I find most of the points quite hilarious. I hope you find something to laugh about here…as I have.

Men are not mind readers:
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

. Phone conversations need to be kept to a maximum of one and a half minutes, especially if we will see you in the next two hours. Anything you can say to us can be said to our faces. Or just send us an sms/whatsapp chat-especially if a SOCCER game is on.
. By the way, Saturday sports are like the full moon or the changing of the tides, so let it be. In fact, whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during T.V commercials.
. You are forbidden from discussing our eating/drinking/dressing habits with our mothers.
. Like your orgasms, please fake excitement when we show you how to kill prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto.
. As long as it isn’t shit on a stick, we don’t care what’s for dinner.
. We’d prefer not to know the details of you and your friends’ menstrual cycles.
. If you want the bed made, why not do it yourself?
. We are not too old for video games. We’re the first generation that had video games; therefore we’re pioneers when it comes to them. Expect us to play them well into our 80s.

. Just because we brag about the sound and/or potency of our farts doesn’t mean you’re welcome to do the same.
. We are not to be bothered during foot ball game.
. Please, for the love of all that’s good and holy in the world, don’t even consider getting certain ODD HAIR COLOURS.
. Even if you can drink us under the table, please don’t. Especially in front of our friends and family…our mums (especially again!).
. There’s no need to point out that you’re taller than us with heels on.
. Those naked photos of our ex-girlfriends? We only keep them around to remind us how great you are. No need to freak out and threaten decapitation.
. When you get that “monthly visitor” maybe it is time we revisit an often forgotten practice. Namely, reinstating “blowjob week.”
. We are to go to certain BUSINESS/WORK RELATED TRIPS-alone!.
. It’s best if you only work with female trainers at the gym. We don’t want to hear about Henry (the Macho Man) helping you do squats.
. Leaving us alone with your father for more than 30 minutes is cruel; especially when we’re sure he thinks we’re NEVER-DO-WELLS.
. In fact, don’t leave us alone with any of your family. This is most important if, for some reason, we’re not their BESTIES.
. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
. If you won’t dress like the Spice girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.. If you think you are fat, you probably are, don’t ask us. I am in shape… Round IS a shape!

. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing, then we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
. Don’t ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as premiership, sex or star wars.
. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Dragging us to shopping is not love. All women should take note!


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Chukwuneta ObyThe rules
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