Time for true confession…

Before most of us joined Facebook, they said it’s where one can reconnect with old friends and even trace ‘long lost family’.

Truth is… some people’s impulse (on joining Face book) was far from those.

Friends… one can always look up -with an eye closed.

Someone like me, my first move was to look up those childhood crushes, frankly. From the international artistes to those ‘fine fine’ boys in school.

Especially those ‘fine boys’ that seemed out of one’s space.

Our teachers wouldn’t even arrange seats for one to sit beside whom she fancied.

One in particular (a teacher’s son)…

Imagine dying for someone who wouldn’t just notice you? A miracle would have been for us to be in the same class when a session ended and classes had to be re-shuffled. For where!

The girl that shared a seat with him…I considered ‘the luckiest girl’ in the world.

You can then imagine the hiss that escaped from me when FACEBOOK threw up pictures that made one ask “are these the human-beings that gave my young heart those ‘racing’ assignments?’’ What happened to all that AJE-BUTTER looks?

My cousin said that when he joined Face book, his first port of call was the profiles of Beyonce, the Babangidas and Aliko Dangote.

That he found his head in the clouds for sharing the same space with those he had only read about,

…until Aliko Dangote of Facebook began to ask him for a recharge card-claiming that he was airborne and just ran out of airtime.

He also asked him to send his account details and expect a robust reward for being a good citizen of Nigeria.

Nobody told him to begin deleting every of those celebrity and ‘big men’ friends that he has so amassed and was quick to boast about with, “oh! he is my friend on Face book!’’

I think people have largely grown on Facebook…in a lot of ways. It used to be a market place.

I hear Twitter and the Instagram have inherited the ‘madness.’

A human being would think it ‘interesting’ to post pictures of many empty bottles of beer (and HENESSY) to depict enjoyment.

I remember my own o…

One period that my niece and I were idling away in the village (University graduates oo)…taking pictures and hanging on Papa’s neck for abacha every afternoon.

On one of those pictures, someone commented “hian, people even show a 7X4 bed on Facebook.’’

In another album (titled family)…another commented “goat sef follow be family.’’

I still chuckle when I come across the profile of a friend on Facebook.

A comment to a picture of her raised leg (which she claimed was paining her) was “must you post everything?”

Seriously, friends deserve an apology from some us who just had to post something in those days. They tolerated acute SOCIAL MEDIA MISS-ROAD from us!

By the way, I have had to chew off the ears of a dear friend over his penchant for forwarding to me every RIDICULOUS post that finds its way to him-on whatsapp.

The latest was a perfume brand and the accompanying message (in badly written English)….” please wherever you find this perfume, do not buy nor use it. It’s in four countries already btw African western world.

If u spray once it’s death sentence, you die immediately.

Pls it to all contact in your phone even to all friends and family. Save a soul today n always, I just did”

Are some people this dumb? It is not every post that is forwarded to you that you share. Most of them deserve outright DELETE! Most of them are plain ridiculous.

Sometimes, learn to read between the lines otherwise you make yourself a JOKE.

Which soul are you saving by sharing IGNORANCE? If you want to save souls…visit our streets. Enough ‘soul-saving’ assignments abound there.

Another had earlier sent me an obviously photoshopped picture of an oyibo lady…muddled up with that of an anaconda.

The accompanying message (in badly written English) read (sic) “this is breaking news from Accra Ghana, a man&woman gladly went into a hotel.

After enjoying and sleeping, the man turned into a big snake and it started to swallow the lady, while the lady was crying more than her voice the hotel management breaks in and saw what was happening, some were taking pictures while some were trying to help the lady and the big snake disappeared living the lady dead. The management reported to police.

Please share it and save a soul, let the people stop going out with unknown men&women.”

Who in his or her right senses gives such MUMU stuff a second of their time? Some people have a sick penchant for mystery. Even the Paranormal claims on satellite television BORE me to death, let alone these ‘bom-boi’ stories.

Dignifying these dumb attempts actually casts a huge question mark on your reasoning!