What men crave the most
While thinking of what to write my readers this week, I ran into an older male friend of mine and we decided to have lunch so we could catch up on life in general. While chatting, he told me he just recently got divorced. We started talking about his marriage and the things he thought went wrong. Then he looked at me and said, “Men really just want respect.” And honestly with tears in my eyes, I couldn’t have understood him more. I instantly knew where he was coming from, the pain he was feeling amongst other things.
It’s actually true. Men want respect much more than sex. As women, on the other hand, most of us just want to feel secure and treasured. We want a man we can trust to take charge in the relationship so we can kick back and enjoy the ride, no matter what kind of job you have by day. Think about it. When you’re with your man, do you really want to be responsible for planning and leading and executing the plans? Or would it feel absolutely amazing to be taken care of and treasured? To have your man take the reins while you just relax and see, hear, touch, taste and smell the world around you? If you’re like me, that sounds pretty inviting! But to get that, you need to show your man RESPECT. A man won’t want to take charge if he’s not respected. This doesn’t mean you let him boss you around or say “yes” to everything he demands. Absolutely not.
What does it mean? It means that you don’t criticize, advise, attack or judge him. You don’t innocently ask why he did or didn’t do something. You don’t suggest he does something a different way. Saying things like “What does it look like? “You always do that!,” “You shouldn’t do that,” “I wouldn’t do that,” “Why would you do that?,” “Why didn’t you do that?,” “Maybe you should do that” and so on. Respecting him means that you appreciate when he does something and tell him so. Even if it is not the way you would’ve done it.
We all have different styles, and women are really good at getting things done. Men do things in a different way though. It’s not wrong. It’s just different. Just like men have their own style of driving. You need to let a man do things his own way, and you need to appreciate that he is doing them so you can relax and not worry about it.
Don’t find the things that you think he could’ve done better and complain. Receive this gift he’s giving you, because it is a gift. If you don’t give a man respect he will step back, either consciously or unconsciously. He’ll step away and disconnect himself from you because being with you won’t feel good to him. He’ll stop doing things for you. If a man feels like his self esteem is being attacked, he will shut down. He’ll feel like you’re his mother scolding him.
Healthy, mature men are fantastic. They want to take care of you. A man wants to fulfill your needs. But If he can’t, if he is constantly criticized and disrespected even in a seemingly innocent way, he’ll not only give up on the task at hand, he’ll give up on you because he’ll feel like he can’t make you happy.
I told my friend who just got divorced at the beginning of this article about the “don’ts” I just gave you. He said, “Wow! That’s totally spot on. If women never did those things, there wouldn’t be any relationship problems!” So if you feel that your husband or boyfriend or date didn’t do a great job at something and want to tell him, or you want to suggest what he could’ve done better: “STOP” yourself immediately. Put your hand over your mouth if you need to. Say thank you. Appreciate what he did. You’ll be so different from other women and draw him closer to you because he’ll be able to relax. You’ll be magnetic, and you’ll both get what you want. Trust me, this is very effective.
To our happiness. Cheers.