Ask Zeezee

Q: I am 21 years old. There are suitors coming my way for marriage, some are buoyant and some of them want sex first and I am not interested in that because I am still a virgin. But there is this guy, his father is a king and he is the second son, we started out as friends and now he has been pleading for me to give him two years then he will come and pay my bride price. He really loves me and I love him too. Now should I wait for him or should I go with those that are waiting? Because I don’t want to be disappointed, help me out in this please. Thanks.

A: From what you have stated about the men who are asking for your hand in marriage, you are not aligned with their requests, so to preserve your values, keep to what you believe in. You shouldn’t change your beliefs because some “buoyant” man wants to marry you and thereby requests that you change the essence of who you are.

What’s very apparent however, is that you sound like you are desperate to be settled in a marriage now. You are still very young and have a lot of years ahead of you. Yes, you should desire to get married, if you so choose, but you can’t rush into any relationship without proper counsel of how to engage in one.

My suggestion is that you do not rush into any relationship and take the time to focus on other areas of your life. Based on your question, I think you are of the opinion that you need to get married immediately in order not to experience any disappointments later and be happy now. But getting married too soon and to a partner you are not aligned with, will end up being the worst disappointment. Are you in school?

Working? Then focus on that and if the guy who you say you love comes around in two years and you are still interested in moving forward into a serious relationship that will lead to marriage, then so be it.

I wish you all the best.

Q: I am a student of Tai Solarin University of Education, currently in my first year. I met a girl recently and we became bosom friends. Having known her for months now, she is luring me into having sex with her. She said it’s either we have sex or she ends our relationship and I am deeply in love with her but I don’t know if I am truly in love or in lust

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A: You have actually already missed out on the tenets that make a good relationship, if the person you are with is pressuring you to do something you are totally against. It is not love when someone insists or gives you an ultimatum that “you either do this or lose out on your relationship”. True love doesn’t insist on its own way and to borrow from your question, you sound like someone in lust. Sex will not bring you together, friendship will.

Please do not let this young lady convince you to go against your values. Sticking with them will take you much farther and find you real love that won’t insist on its own way.

You are still in your first year of university and have many years ahead of you to find someone who shares your values. Don’t tie yourself down now to a bad idea because those are the ones that are the hardest to get away from.

I wish you all the best!

You are still very young and have a lot of years ahead of you. Yes, you should desire to get married, if you so choose, but you can’t rush into any relationship without proper counsel of how to engage in one.