The Guardian
Email YouTube Facebook Instagram Twitter WhatsApp
Everything you need to live well

Who Will Bell The Nigerian Senate Cat?

They have turned on themselves-the audience. The referee in the boxing ring has just committed a blunder. Wearing his black beret, he has just declared that a pepper spray is an offensive weapon.

On the side of the ring is the Nigerian heavy-weight champion. He is holding the belt, the Mace, and speaking a lot of words about how he will beat his contender. Half of the audience do not know the contender yet they seem to enjoy the way the words roll out of his tongue.

No one notices when the contender goes into the boxing ring until the referee jumps out of the ring. He cannot believe it. OOA, the contender whose name rhymes with Agege, a place in Lagos has entered unnoticed. Clad in an English suit, it is clear that he has taken the heavyweight’s words too far.

‘Na me be this. What can you do?’, he says in pidgin.

His followers do not understand the meaning of ‘ethics’, perhaps a word too heavy to understand.

The heavyweight has suddenly gone weak on his knees at the sight of OOA.

‘What are you doi-’

OOA throws in the first punch like his predecessors.

‘But the fight has not started’, the heavyweight champion blurts out, dazed.

‘E never reach like this. Na we we’, the champion stutters unable to comprehend what has just happened while on the floor but OOA has taken the mace out.

‘Referee, go and stop them o. If it is us now, you will be claiming ‘you have bell the cat’, a young man with hair locks, a laptop and an iPhone says loud enough to be heard.

The referee and his colleagues appear from where they have hidden and chase after him. Drama hungry, the audience follow their steps.

The referees tries to persuade him to leave not in the champion’s SUV but in their van.

The champion now holding a replaced mace turns to address the crowd, ‘This is treason and I will-‘

‘Boo’, a disinterested member of the audience shouts. The others follow suit.

Receive News Alerts on Whatsapp: +2348136370421

Related