Diary of a Bored Housewife: Cheating Subsidy
Dear Diary, God has a great
sense of humour and I am sure right now He is having a really good laugh. First of all, TK and I had not made love in almost three weeks and with him affirming my suspicions by not sleeping at home while we were at the hospital, I wasn’t even in the mood to initiate it but knowing my husband’s libido I was getting worried. I needed to talk to someone so I called Linda, you know her now… drama queen! This was how our conversation went:
Me: Hey babe, how are you?
Linda: I’m fat that’s how I am. This stupid trainer is only good as ‘eye candy’ because I weighed myself today and I have added 3kg.
Me: Stop eating suya and barbeque every night and you’ll be fine. Shebi I said you should be coming with me on my morning runs but you won’t hear”. Linda: My dear where am I running to? The things chasing me in this house are enough to keep me running o!
Me: What happened again now? Haven’t you and senator settled that issue of the house he bought without telling you? Linda: (long hiss!) Wetin concern me with house? If he likes he should buy a whole state. Have you not read the newest edition of Lagos Ville?
Me: Nope. You know I don’t read those rubbish tabloids.
Linda: It’s because they have not started carrying TK’s gist well! …well!! …that’s why you don’t read them!!! My wonderful husband, …the man I have five boys for… that I dropped out of university for… so that I could get a job and support through school is dating that Jumoke Adeniji girl!!!
Me: Linda!!! Is that not the Nollywood actress, how can you believe that now? It’s all lies jor. Linda: Abeg make I hear word. There is a picture of them on a boat together when he was supposed to be in China with his business partners. I threatened to embarrass him this weekend at the governor’s birthday party he quickly credited my account with five million Naira. Anyway that’s another matter. How are you?
Me: Hmmm Linda it’s been 3 weeks since TK and I made love.
Linda: Ehn! In this Lagos?!! With these toothpick legged girls running around in bikinis. My dear I am coming to pick you now-now we are going to that new lingerie shop in Ikoyi. You won’t disgrace me in this town abeg! You want to be like me and be collecting “Cheating Subsidy” abi? Go and dress up jor I am on my way
I had a wonderful day with Linda and she wouldn’t even let me pay for A thing! She had five million Naira to spend so I guess there was no need for me to insist. We went to the spa for a Brazilian wax, body massage and a manicure and pedicure. Then we went lingerie shopping. She did all the buying and kept telling me how jealous she was of my trim statue and flat tummy. I told her if she would step off the ketch-up and hit the treadmill she could be just as trim. She bought me this really sexy black and red chemise with a matching robe and a pair of bunny ears. Hehhehehehehehehheehe poor TK!
As we were paying at the checkout counter, I heard someone call me from behind… “Angel”. I didn’t have to turn I knew who it was. The voice, the name he called me, the way he said it, more like a promise than a word. It was Emeka… My Emeka Odiachi the man I loved with reckless abandon for nine years, the love of my life, my soul mate. I had goose pimples but I managed to turn around.
“Emeka…” that was all I could say. We just stood there staring at each other. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen him in four years. Since the night before my wedding when he had desperately begged me to come away with him and not marry TK. Since the night that keeps me awake sometimes thinking “What if…”? Linda cleared her throat; Emeka smiled and simply introduced himself to her as Emeka. I just stood there like I was in a trance. He looked good, he had grown a bit bigger but in a good way he had a slight bulge on his stomach but it was so sexy. I looked at his left hand, no ring…my heart leapt with gladness. Then I remembered I had a ring on mine…two actually and a daughter to show for it.
Linda broke the silence again “So who are you shopping for”? She asked pointing to the shopping bag in his hand. “My fiancée” he said “It’s her birthday tomorrow”.“Awww how romantic” Linda said I felt like slapping her. She finished paying at the counter and it was time for us to leave. Emeka stretched out his hand for a handshake and said “It was really good to see you Anjola”. I shook his hand but I couldn’t say a word, I just smiled and walked away. When we got to the car it occurred to me that all I managed to say was his name.
That night TK came home early after I had sent him a bunch of raunchy text messages at work and we made love. It was wonderful but I couldn’t get Emeka out of my head. I kept seeing him every time I closed my eyes. He still had the same smell, still sent shivers down my spine by just touching me, still sounded so sexy when he called my name.
I fell asleep eventually; at about 3.00am I got up to ease myself when I noticed my phone blinking. It was an email from Emeka sent a few minutes earlier obviously he was thinking about me too, all the mail said was “My angel”.