I need direction

I have been reading a lot of threads here for weeks now and even though I am a bit scared to post, I have decided to share my story with the hope of finding someone to talk to and getting some helpful advice.

I am married with two kids and made some terrible decisions. I got into a relationship with another married man (he also has two kids).

Two weeks after the first time we were together, I found out I was pregnant (I was on the pill). When I told him, he said: “We will figure it out.” He talked about “our five kids” and where we would live.

I was so emotional during the first 13 weeks and went along with his idea that we should wait and do a paternity test once the baby is born. He has always claimed that if it is “ours,” he wants to be there for his baby.

I know I am a horrible person and I hate myself for it. I never thought I could do something like this. I have had great pregnancies, but this one, I have just been depressed and haven’t gained any weight (I am 18 weeks now).

I am going to do counselling because I now know that there had to be something wrong with me to be able to make such choices when I had a great marriage already.

As much as I know, it will devastate my husband. I am going to tell him because he deserves to know for many obvious reasons that I was not able to see before.

I tried to come clean before, but he convinced me not to, saying “why should we tell if we aren’t sure who the dad is yet?” I know, stupid of me. His wife is the one that pays the bills, the house is in her name and they are building a new house.

He made sure I knew he had everything to lose if I opened my mouth, so I felt guilty and kept quiet. He is not planning on telling his wife unless he finds out the baby is his.

I have read mixed feelings on whether one should tell the wife or leave it up to him. I am fine with telling her if it is the right thing to do. I just don’t want to make things worse if it is not my place, especially when I am not 100 per cent sure if it is his or my husband’s.