Making our sons marry at the appropriate time

The wedding will soon take place between a young man, aged 22 and the girl, aged 21. So far, they are the youngest Nigerians whose wedding I will attend. I am very interested in this marriage because of my stand that people should marry young in as much as the man has a job, they have a roof over their heads and they are emotionally mature. I believe that once a boy and a girl are matured enough to handle their feelings, there is no need to marry at an older age all other things being equal.

There seems to be an unwritten understanding in Nigeria that a man should not get married until he hits his early thirties. In fact, the other day, a mother could not understand why her twenty nine year old son should get married. With surprise all over her face she asked me, “bishop, don’t you think he is too young? He is still a small boy. Why the rush?” I am surprised that a parent could consider a man of 29 going into marriage as being too young to do so. It is an African way of thinking, which I think should be dismantled.

Some African parents believe that when their children graduate from the university, they should settle down before rushing into marriage. “Settling down” to them means they should work for six to 10 years, acquire things that will make life more comfortable for them and have enough money to make life more comfortable for their siblings, parents, etc. Some families cannot imagine the fact that another girl is going to “enjoy” the fruit of their labour in the name of being a wife.

A few years back, a father insisted that his son must build a house for him before getting married. He possibly thought that his son will not do anything for him again once he gets married. He was afraid of not enjoying the fruit of his labour. While it is true that some wives have turned the hearts of their husbands against helping their parents, I am also very aware that a nice number of women are responsible for their husbands paying attention to their parents.

I know of a case where the man hardly bought anything for his parents despite the fact that he had a nice job after graduation. It took the man about six years to get married after graduation and for these six years his parents who lived in the village did not really feel much of his impact. But after the man got married, his parents started receiving gifts and visits. The parents said it loud and clear that they know that it is their son’s wife that was making all these gifts and visits possible.

The point I am trying to make here is that instead of parents and family members trying to prevent their sons from getting married early, they should focus their attention and prayers on the quality of wife, they would want their son to get married to. Making our sons to marry late is not what will prevent them from marrying a selfish wife. When Isaac and his wife Rebecca saw that their son (Esau whose wife was named Judith) caused himself and his wife much grief (Gen 26:34-35), Isaac, had to give a guideline to his other son Jacob on the quality of woman he wanted him to have as a wife.

I believe that telling our children not to marry selfish people, who will not honour fathers and mothers, is better than making them marry late. Love you.
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