Making your wife obey you

Very early in our marriage, I had a disagreement with my wife. I wanted something done, but she disagreed with me. She said ‘no’ to what I was saying. It was not the ‘no’ she said that got me angry, but the manner in which she said it. Like many women who pour their feelings into their words, she poured her feelings into the ‘no.’ My response was pedestrian, the way many men will respond. I went on to emphatically educate her on the fact that I am the head of the house. And though I am not the shouting type, but I had my way. She told me she would do what I said, but that she was not convinced. She said, “I will do what you have said o, but I do not agree with you because I am not convinced.” I had my way, but I was not happy about the way I had my way.

I wanted to be a husband, who will be a leader and not a boss, a dictator or a terrorist to my wife. I have a wife, who holds strongly to her views, who will not say ‘yes’ to my views and ways, just because she wants to please me. She will say, “God gave me to you as your wife to be your helper.” “I am to help you succeed in whatever you want to do in life, but if you do not want my suggestions, I can as well keep quiet.” For Carol to keep quiet? Na lie. When another issue comes up and she needed to say ‘no’ to me, she would still say ‘no.’

In our marriage, I do not like us to disagree or argue over any matter more than three times. I believe when a couple disagrees, argues or quarrels over a matter more than three times, it means their marriage needs to grow in that direction over which they argue or quarrel. And what husbands and wives should do is to think out ways or read relevant books, or meet people for counsel and attend marriage seminars to gather more knowledge with which to overcome the source of conflict. What I did was to think out ways. I can remember when it happened. We were lying on our bed, chatting and teasing each other and laughing. From there, our chatting mistakenly veered off to a serious issue. When I raised the issue, she said ‘no’ as usual.

Anyway, when she said her normal emphatic ‘no’ that beautiful morning, instead of me to tell her that ‘I am the head of the home,’ I told her words like: ‘this girlfriend, take it easy. You know that my ‘no’ is more powerful than your ‘no.’ Lovingly, but seriously give me your reasons for saying ‘no.’ I held her hand and kissed it and she started laughing. After discussing the matter, she saw that I was right. She then obeyed and followed me in implementing what I wanted done.

It was then I discovered that men who intimidate their wives with, ‘you must know that I am the head of this house’ need to develop from the realm of brawn (physical and verbal pressure) to the real brain (reasoning), just as I developed and just as she also developed in handling areas of my behaviour, where I still battle to make changes. I pray that your courtship or marriage grows to the next level in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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