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Telling your man about your past sex life

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Charles Ighele

Some years back, a lady came to meet me for advice. The man she was engaged to kept putting pressure on her to tell him about the number of boyfriends she had had and how many times she had had sex with each of them with words like this, “You already told me that you are no longer a virgin. So, why not just tell me everything?” Na lie. Make you no tell am EVERYTHING.

If the man should insist, the lady should politely let the man know that that is a past part of her life that she will never like to remember and go into. She should let the man know that her major duty from now on is to be fully committed to him and to make her marriage work and that she has certainly had a past sex life, which should be completely buried.

If the lady has had a child or children, she should never hide it at all. She has to tell her man even before he asks. If the lady was notoriously promiscuous and known to be a “bad girl” by the society, she should let her man know that she was once a “bad girl”, but confessing that she was once a “bad girl” does not mean she should tell her man the hundred and two people she had slept with and the sixty one names she can remember and where and when they had sex. People who are in the morally loose end of the showbiz world can say everything. I am not directing this article at such people. I am directing it at those who want to build their marital lives on the decent end of the marital ladder, whether they are in showbiz, priesthood or whatsoever. A handful of marriages struggled or collapsed because the men were not emotionally strong enough to handle the stories of their partners’ past sex lives.

In the Christian constituency where I belong, there are cases of men telling their wives during love making, “I am the authentic man. All those who came before me are thieves and robbers” quoting the Bible to encourage themselves. And their wives do not find this funny at all. It is then some realise that they should not have succumbed to the pressure of talking about details of their past sex lives. I appeal to men to stop troubling their women about details of their past sex lives and instead apply the Pauline principle “…but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” Phil 3:13. The point I have tried to make here is that decent couples should be decent about details of their past sex life, while some hardened showbiz couples may decide to say it all. However, any man that does not have the emotional ability to cope with knowing the details of his woman’s past sex live should not ask for details. Forget the past and enjoy the now. Love you.
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Charles Ighele
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