Rather, it refers to offences of a wife to her husband and vice versa, or a member to another member or leader of the church. If the fellow apologises, then fellowship, understanding and relationship should be restored. “But if (the person) will not hear thee (personally), then take with thee one or two more…” to settle with him; “that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.” If the offender is your wife or husband, do not go to their parents or your in-laws. Stay within the confine of the fellowship of believers to resolve issues.
After these efforts, if the offender refuses to acknowledge his or her fault, Christ says, “tell it unto the church.” This is not to report the matter before the whole congregation, but to tell it to the leaders in the local assembly. Even if “he neglect to hear the church,” do not have bitterness in your heart or let it affect the progress of your Christian life. Instead, “let him be unto thee as an heathen,” because he does not have the grace to be a believer. However, if he needs common help such as with food and water or the gospel, give it to him. More so, as believers, we should not be offended at everything. We must come to maturity so that we do not count every little action, word or behaviour as offence.
Everyone on earth needs conversion to get to the kingdom of God. Forgiveness by a human being is good, especially for our relationships, but it is not conversion and not good enough for heaven. Christ said: “Except ye be converted,” forgiven by the Lord and your life turns around by grace, “and (you) become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” A child cannot show childlike characteristics until he is born. Similarly, you cannot show the characteristics of childlikeness until you are born into the Kingdom. Otherwise, the display of such characteristics would be artificial.
When an offending brother or sister does not think they have done anything wrong, you have to take the initiative to resolve the matter. Taking initiative is deciding to talk about it with courage. You might have to draw strength from God’s word and pray before you “go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.” If the person accepts his error, forgive him and let fellowship, understanding and sharing return. Interact with him as if he never offended you. If the offender will not acknowledge his fault and apologise, do not stop, for the sake of his soul and your peace; “take with thee one or two more” brethren who are mature and impartial, and go to him for reconciliation. But “if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church,” do not bear grudge in your heart. Keep relating with the fellow like you do with everyone else.
We must forgive obstinate backsliders who have offended us, but we must also let them know that human forgiveness is not enough to take them to heaven. As evil and terrorising as Saul was, David forgave him. However, that forgiveness was not sufficient to take Saul to heaven, as he did not have the forgiveness of God that comes with a change of heart. Due to his unconverted nature, he persistently persecuted David and even contracted the service of a witch when God would not listen to him. He died eventually still unconverted. David showed he had truly forgiven him by showing mercy to Mephibosheth, Saul’s grandson. Whether people change or not, we should learn to forgive them from the heart.
• Further reading (King James Version): Matthew 18:15-35. Matthew 18:3,4; Acts 5:30,31; 26:16-18; Colossians 1:13,14. Matthew 18:15-17; Luke 17:3,4; Ephesians 4:30-32; Colossians 3:12-17. Matthew 18:17; Ezekiel 17:12; Hosea 11:7,12; Jeremiah 8:4-9,20-22.
