Emotionally Bankrupt Men
A certain somebody inspired me to write about this. I love him very much and I hurt to see him feel the way he feels. ‘You may learn more, do more, see more but you will never be any more perfect than you are right this moment’. You know who you are, open your heart.
Most times it is hard to make a man commit to a serious relationship. And that is because most men are emotionally unavailable. So my question is ‘How can you make a man commit’? If he loves you, but he does not want to get married, then you simply need to connect to him in a deeper way. It is that simple.
So are you the victim of an emotionally unavailable man? Today, more and more men do not want marriage. Instead, they prefer a “cohabiting” setup, where they basically settle down with a woman, have kids, and basically do everything a married couple does but without the marriage, and without the legal responsibilities. Of course, that poses a problem for us women! We do not get any marriage benefits, and we do not have any peace of mind. If he decides to leave, we cannot stop him, and there is nothing we can do.
So why do some men avoid marriage? How can you make a non-committing guy love you? And how can you make a guy who is not interested in marriage change his mind? Here is the bad news: When it comes to making a man love you, you cannot convince him, you cannot force him and you definitely cannot blackmail him.
So if you tried using logic, force, or fear to make him love you, then you made a very bad move! But here is the good news. While you cannot convince, force, or blackmail a man to love you, you can motivate him to love you. And that is the great thing about us being women, we are great motivators by nature! But here is the catch: You have to learn how to use this special “motivating” skill. (Most women never do, and end up in miserable relationships for the rest of their lives. Do not make that mistake!). To motivate an emotionally unavailable man to transform himself and start loving you, you have to…
See If He has A Wounded Soul
Let us quickly answer this quiz! When a man can have sex with you, but does not want to get married, it means he is a hopeless player. True or false? The answer is false. Sure, virtually all players love having sex with multiple women, but will not commit to any one for fear of losing their freedom. But what about a guy who loves only you and no other woman but he still does not want to get married, That is no player, that is a “wounded soul.” I define “wounded souls” as people who have gone through some bad trauma in the past, and it is making them avoid making certain decisions in life, such as getting married.
For instance, a man who got cheated on by a woman he loved may not want to get too involved with another woman. Or a man who lost his wife to an accident may not want to get married again. You get the idea. Here’ is my message: Do not be so quick to judge! Do not call a man a player, and do not treat him like one, until you have found out the reason behind his reluctance to commit. So how can you know what his “past trauma” is? Try and find out from him. Go way back, his background, growing up days, try and find out if he had a great childhood or not, if his parents were separated at some point or one of the parent died when he was young and was boxed with the responsibility of becoming the head of the house at a very young age or maybe he was sexually abused when he was young. It could be a million and one things but make sure you get to the root of the matter if you truly love him.
Make Him Give Affection Freely
Let me say this again, “You cannot force a man to fall in love with you”. He has to fall in love with you all by himself! In other words, a man should be willing to give you his love and affection freely before he can even begin to think about marrying you. Think about it. If you were at a point in your life when you did not have the time, money, or energy to handle a relationship and a man tried to force you to love him, I am pretty sure you would not! So if a man is not ready, why force him? He has to be ready first!
So how do you make a man feel more “ready” to love and commit to you? That is the best part:
Make Him Lower His Defenses
If you want a man to start seeing you as a lover and not just a bed friend, then you have to lower his defenses. As I mentioned before, he just might be a wounded soul. He may have some unresolved issues in the past that is keeping him from spending his future with you. What are those issues? What does he need to get over those issues? And how can you help? That is the main challenge of dating an emotionally unavailable man! In the beginning, he may not want to tell you about his past. He may not trust you 100% just yet. And it is easy to take that personally. Worse, if you nag him about it, or criticize him for not trusting you, then he just might withdraw entirely and when he does, there is nothing you can do to get him back. Do not make that mistake ever!
It is a gradual process ladies, make him trust you gradually and completely. To our happiness.