I refuse to be a silent part of a world that has raised most men to be ignorant. A world that has almost made relevant conversations a secret and an uncomfortable circumstance – one person’s curse and burden to endure.

Who said the boys should be left out? Why is it ok for most boys to be unversed? Do we understand that it affects them too and will be a part of their entire lives? Much damage has been done, but can we start fixing it now?

You are probably wondering what all these questions are about. I’ll tell you a short story.

Years ago, a particular sanitary towel company came to my secondary school. Girls were asked to move to the auditorium, and boys to the field. While we (girls) sat learning about our body changes, the menstrual cycle and all that comes with it, the boys played at the football field.

“Sit properly, clean up yourself and the house – your duty is this and that. Oh, and if a man touches you, you will get pregnant.” Many of us got these scary pep talks when we were younger, but they were only for the girls. The boys weren’t included in the conversation or responsibility.

The first day a girl got stained in my class, she was embarrassed. Not because all the girls would laugh at her but because she felt the boys had no business knowing what she was going through. It felt like a taboo. She sat long, thinking of what to do, and the stain from her heavy flow kept worsening. When one of our male classmates noticed the stain as she tried to sneak out, it became the class topic for the boys, and she was tagged “the woman with the issue of blood, Bloody Mary and ketchup.”

She never came back the next term, and now I wonder if she became one of those ladies who hide sanitary towels in their bags at the office and perform mission-impossible sneak-in movie scenes to the restroom when it’s time to change in a bid to hide the fact that they’re on their period.

I might have been tagged awful names too, if my period hadn’t said the first ‘hi’ to me in the comforts of my home. The only reason I had the slightest idea I was ‘becoming a woman’, in my aunty’s words, was because weeks before, I had gotten into a scuffle with my little brother, and he threw a fist that mistakenly landed on my growing breast.

It was a special kind of pain because I let out a loud cry, clenching my breast, my legs giving way to my body as the floor welcomed me, and my aunty came running. While she finally gave me a brief on the “you are growing, that’s why it hurts” conversation, on the other hand, my mum was too occupied with law school and my dad with work, so nobody really gave me the early puberty talk.

That faithful Saturday morning, I woke up to a blood stain on my bed, and I ran to my mother’s room, crying and repeatedly screaming, “Mummy, I’m dying.” I’m still grateful she didn’t make fun of me. She hugged me and apologised for not telling me earlier. She gave me a lengthy explanation of what was happening, gave me sanitary pads and asked me to be ready every month. I would later move to the most difficult hood (adulthood) and take cognisance of the body and mood changes that periods cause me monthly, have insightful conversations with other ladies and research for information on the internet.

Table all your arguments, if any, but I firmly believe that all boys should be taught about periods, too. The majority of bullying and period stigma come from uninformed boys. The majority of the men who have no idea how to help their women during their period cycles are uninformed boys.

To this day, I still think about the girl who was stigmatised and nicknamed Ketchup all because she had period stains. I wonder if she has sat, clenching her fist or tummy, sweating or shivering or if she has ever passed out from severe pain whilst no man around her understood her situation.

I wonder if she understands now that it’s okay to say at work, “I’m having terrible cramps and can’t stand for this presentation, or I would like to postpone this meeting.”

I wonder if she has a boyfriend who feels she should go through her ‘curse’ alone every month and not involve him. I wonder if, like many others, her boyfriend says to her: “Stay at home. Please, if you are on your period, don’t come over”. I wonder if she is married with a child, but her husband has no idea what to teach their daughter about her menstrual cycle.

Suffice it to say, most men who run out of bed, scream, whine, feel violated and disrespected or see a lady as irresponsible and careless when she stains the bed with her period are uninformed boys. You can’t equip a girl properly, give her all the needed information and tools for life, and then send her into the world to be with an uninformed boy who will end up damaging her emotionally and mentally because he doesn’t know better—one who will go on to raise a daughter with zero information.

How about we educate and properly inform every gender without discrimination? How about taking actual steps to curb the bullying and stigma girls and women receive for something they can’t control? For something as natural as sleeping and waking up? How can period poverty and stigma be curbed by proper information, education, awareness and policy making?

What if, like girls, boys are made to fully understand the process of this thing called menstruation? How can today’s life, career or business environment be transformed if boys and men understood that some girls have it easy during their periods while others don’t? How can they empathise with the women in their lives to know that it’s already enough stress for her when she gets stained, and he shouldn’t worsen it by mocking her openly or silently? What if they understood that some people even die from menstrual pain and the complications that come with it and that kindness at times like these will go a long way for girls and women?

What if boys understood the hormonal turbulence females experience? The mood swings and sometimes excruciating pain, cravings and mental stress/ if they are aware of how expensive sanitary towels and sometimes medication are, or how stress and other factors can extend, make sudden or disorganise a woman’s monthly flow?

Imagine a world where the woman wakes up in that biologically stressful state and the man in her life – brother, boyfriend, husband, friend, father – asks her to rest. He soaks the stained sheets, runs her a bath, helps prepare the sanitary towel, offers her what she wants to eat, listens to and calmly goes through her moods with her, helps her purchase sanitary towels and items, plays her favorite song or movie, and checks up on her constantly? A part of the world will be better, and most girls will agree with me on this.

In conclusion, periods should be something all genders are not ashamed or shy to speak about. Parents, guardians and people in charge of children should not wait for it to catch them unawares or wait till the elder sister goes through it before teaching the younger sister.

If the boy doesn’t enter relationships or get married, if he doesn’t have a sister, he will go to school or work with women, have a female friend, get in a public vehicle or flight with one, come across something on the internet, or have a daughter.

He will definitely come in contact with the opposite sex one way or another. Save him from ignorance.

Asogwa, popularly known as ‘Alex Unusual’, is a multi-brand influencer, filmmaker, creative writer, model and lifestyle vlogger.