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Let’s Talk About Unrequited Love

We all know what it feels like to love someone and not have them reciprocate the feelings we have – heart-breaking. And yet, as life would have it, we often find ourselves on the other end of the stick; having someone dote on us unconditionally, and not being able to muster up even an iota of the love they have for us in return. Unrequited love is just painful to witness and even worse to experience.

Romantic comedies try to teach us that if a person pushes hard enough, the object of their affection will come to love them back eventually. But life isn’t a romantic comedy; it doesn’t always play out like that. The problem with unrequited love begins when he/she just don’t feel the same way about you who, by all indications, is very much in love with this person.


There are a million possible reasons why.

The person you love might have gone through a traumatizing experience that makes them hesitant about exploring relationships and opening up to people. Or he/she could be dealing with their own baggage and insecurities and may not really be able to take on more emotional responsibilities. Ironically, it could even be that the object of your affection is doting over someone else and going through their own experience of unrequited love.

It could even be as simple a reason as he/she just isn’t into you.


We know what it feels like to not be loved back, but how does the person not giving any love feel?

It’s very easy to assume that the person is enjoying all this attention; revelling in the wonderful feeling of being loved without having to do anything in return. In fact, you will find that people will sympathise more with you, the poor love-struck angel who only wants to love and be loved, and crucify this person you have decided to love – even though he/she never asked for it.

Here’s how the person you love probably feels:

  1. Burdened: It’s great being loved, but being pressured to love someone back is emotionally tasking. He/she is carrying all the weight of your affection, but not really enjoying any of its supposed benefits.
  2. Self-conscious: This person is going through a lot trying to figure out why he/she can’t love you back. And will most likely start second-guessing their character; wondering if he/she is a bad person for not loving you back.
  3. Guilty: The object of your affection may get pressed to the point where they eventually give in and “agree” to love you back. Only because they are being tired of being made to feel like a bad person and it’s “the right thing to do”.
  4. Hurting: Yes, they’re hurting too. Because they can’t do anything to ease your own pain. Well, they can, but what they can do isn’t what you want them to.
  5. Torn: They know they need to let you go, but at the same time they have become adjusted to your love for them. So much so that it starts to feel normal. They want to move on, but now they fear no one else might love them.
  6. Awkward: They don’t feel the same way about you, so everything you do together just feels some kind of way. Like they’re stringing you along or playacting.


Honestly, no one knows. I don’t think people really calculate or plan when they fall in love. It kinda just happens when it’s right. You’re just going to have to wait it out. But while waiting, remember that you love this person for a reason. In as much as your love remains unrequited, remind yourself that the wait will be worth it – as long as you believe it is.

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  • Abdulwasii ilyas

    That’s a sure path to perdition, a recipe for catastrophe. Where in the world do we place seduction. People have done it in our world, and we were witnesses. It works!