I bring to my readers today what I wish to call masterpieces of responses by three distinguished professors to my last column that dwelt on some scintillating sports stories. The professors are Ibrahim Bello Kano, Ademola Da Sylva and Mabel Evwierhoma. My intervention is nearly nil if not nil or fully nil. Happy reading from the platform we share and cherish.
Professor Ibrahim Bello Kano (IBK):
Dear most distinguished columnist TA, I like your quoting from the great Nietzsche. I am certain that Nietzsche would have found the spectacle of women running around and huffing and puffing around a round leather object, behaving like masculine dead-meats and hunkies, and shouting and jumping and strung simulations of the Baudrillardian simulated healthy men very interesting, if not NOT a great performance or a commanding of a great thing. Yet such stories of storied women kicking and running before and after an image of a schizoid testicle is both symbolic (of incipient female hatred of masculinity, and female ‘left-overs, those trash that can’t ‘play’) and symptomatic of a sexless bunch who have given up on the ‘mating game.’ In either case, it’s the story of an un-narrated feminocracy, a virulent copycatism that secretly needs to trample on active, vigorous gonads.
That’s the untold story of the ‘stories’ of matrons who need or want to ‘play’ a Derridean addition-substitution supplentarity of destroyed difference: a need to abolish DIFFERANCE (spelled with the letter ‘A’ in-between). Even the spectators, who are mostly male, are there in the stadia and the light flooded arenas to watch or observe or gaze at the bubbling, swaying, shaking mass of ‘meat’ following the round leather object.
Female football scenes are one other way of exhibiting women, apart from the traditional ‘beauty-contest-match’. This shows how clever we are or have become in the New Postmodern modern: they can look at their ancient object of fascination and desire, from accusations about alleged Male Gaze and Masculine Lookery. Now it’s all there in 90 minutes, there in its raw physicality, there in its pumping, pulsating delightful food salivating intensity. Men, you dubious creative thinkers, have skillfully moved the ‘Display Glass’ from the indoors to the outdoors.
Men have indeed learned from Steven Greenblatt: men are still capable of Great Action: they can move the running matrons and bitter femmes from the old, traditional display glass to a new-fangled post-modern one: it’s there, meat, muscle, bones, hair, and tendons, and, by some miracle, get those “things” to run amok, shouting, running, kicking, and jumping in joy or remorseful with loss. Female footballing, not just the football object itself, is the new ‘display glass’. Prof TA’s highly literate and literary stories of the ‘display glass’ is itself a secret ‘semantic display glass’ in which strutting, swaying, shaking, and sweating are given a new glamorous ‘story of stories’ grammatology by a Trickster – very, very erudite Professor of Rhetorical Inventiveness. Yet the masterful oxymoron of the hyperbolic chiasmus of the tropial Title of the Professor’s Text-Story of The Story does unconsciously reveal the Admired and the Repressed (both at once) of the Desire of the desirous male hauntology.
Let us now borrow metaphors from Karl Marx and Jacques Derrida: A ghostly desire is haunting men: it is the desire of the Gaze (at the female body at work, in skimpy attire, of shorts and bikinis with bulging and pupped Nature elements). Men, Prof TA, the Men Spectators in the stadia watching the ‘female football’ sessions: yes, your semantic productions and your stories are secretly running on steroids. All the more alluring and sexy. The Male Alpha might “laughter” at it all. The Male Beta might be amused. The Male Simp might not know “the secrets” in the closet.
Professor Ademola Da Sylva:
Let me for once imagine that my wife and I, usually, watched both all-Male and all-Female soccer sporting events, together, with dazzling exciting moments. In which case, the gaze and lookery allegation, and the defining framing theory lose their gender identity.
What I cannot be sure of now, since IBK keeps pumping wrong thoughts into my innocent mind, is what could possibly be my wife’s particular interest whenever she watched the Male soccer game? I could almost suspect she might just have wondered why her man couldn’t be on the field of play and be another Jay-Jay Okocha? Again, I could not be too sure, also, should some of the lady players have, in their feminine minds, turned the full hate they could possibly have had for some Casanova playboys who jilted them, or some Male chauvinists who took advantage of their innocence, in the past, on the round leather ball, considering their vehemence, and way and manner they kicked and banged the ball, so hard, inside the goal-net! I also begin to suspect that in some women who love to watch the game of soccer too!
What in particular could be the source of their excitement? I guess they might psychically have converted the round ball into the image of their men, in particular, the irresponsible ones, and wife-beaters, etc., such that their delight and pleasure they derived in the raw kicks and bangs the husband-ball image got from the players is what they had always desired for the bestial men! I could go on and on! Just my little way of expressing my harmless suspicion arising from the bad thoughts that IBK suggested into my, otherwise, clean and non-suspecting mind! IBK, ngbo?
Indeed, our very refined TA, our TA, I wish I could get a nurse to inject this Prof. IBK with some tranquilizers or some valium 10 dose to get him to sleep for the next 24 hours. Why? He deserves it for his bad verses like Cina the poet, who was mistaken for one of the conspirators! (Ref., William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar!) IBK’s offence? He made some of us women’s soccer lovers feel very guilty… as if what we enjoyed are outside the skills and the dexterity with which these wonder-full ladies kicked, fondled, handled, and banged the round leathery-ball into the net! Prof. IBK will make anyone listening to him, or reading his treatise, to “commit” rounded ball, yes, “ball” the leather object, not the one those with corrupted manners have in mind, and then rounded front, rounded backsides, and rounded roundedness and roundedness! I will report somebody to the DSS today for disturbing the peace on this hallowed platform, and for corrupting our innocent souls! My 2 Kobo fury.
Professor Mabel Evwierhoma:
The woman’s body is a multi-sited entity of enchantment. After reading Prof. IBK’s comment on your article my poem “Clitoridectimy” comes readily to me…. The female body in motion or stasis is a sculpted wonderment.”
Of the three Professors, the last one and the only female, presents a very austere rhetoric and a markedly, deliberately sparse feminist gymnastics – for obvious reasons I don’t wish to open my eyes to. Our fake and false feministic feminists in Europe and elsewhere who are daring to bring down Luis Rubiales, President of the Spanish Football Federation, who darlingly and euphorically but very sportingly kissed Jennifer Hermoso, Spain’s star player in the women’s football cup which Spain won, are compelling me to check my tongue in “sculpted wonderment.” But I expect Professor (Mrs.) Mabel Evwierhoma, our Lady Mabel, to combat Professors IBK, Da Sylva and other colleagues and husbands whose “wives prevented them from watching women’s football” and who, in fact, are or “were very hostile to their husbands’ “interest” in women’s football.” Now over to Professor (Mrs.) Mabel Evwierhoma who should take on her male fellow theorists who she must vigorously distance herself from – rightly or wrongly and comically or un-comically – without prejudice to their phallocentric demeanour or un-phallocentric phallocentricism! And the fate of Luis Rubiales? Professor (Mrs.) M should give us her everlastingly unbiased theoretical remarks for Professors Da Sylva and IBK to tackle most interestingly intriguingly! I lie in ambush churlishly. But let me underscore this: I stand with Luis Rubiales one hundred percent against his enemies and detractors in the wicked and difficult world of Spanish football of dastardly dastard hypocrisy. Stand with me and me, O dear my readers in my ambush as the theoretical and practical debate continues ad infinitum. Be part of it whether or not you join the bandwagon.
Afejuku can be reached via 08055213059.
