GUYS are all over the place complaining that there is no good woman out there for marriage. Ladies are there asking for God to give them husbands and doing everything within their power to have a husband. Prayer contractors are smiling to the bank as they keep taking advantage of their vulnerability.
Prophets now collect money from sisters to get them hooked to brothers through prophecy. Many have even gone the way of rituals, going to bath in the river, going naked before pastor/prophet/Imam just because they are made to believe that there is one spiritual husband somewhere and the spiritualist has to engage in sex with her to drive the evil spirit away. Atrocities going on… all in the name of God.
This isn’t what I am talking about today; I am here to ask you just one question: Are you ready for marriage? There is more to marriage than what we see and what we are made to believe it is. If you don’t understand this word marriage, being married will make your life more complicated and that is when you see yourself wishing you were single; that is when you see yourself still thinking of all your ex boyfriends or girlfriends; that is when you turn angry each time you set your eyes on your spouse.
You cannot tell me you are ready for marriage just because you are thirty-five; you can’t be ready for marriage just because your friends and age mates are all married and you are tired of being a bridesmaid and wearing ‘aso ebi’ (colour or material specially selected for the bride or groom); you cannot decide to get married just because your mother wants you to get married and she is in need of grandchildren. Marriage is serious business and only those who are prepared for it go through it happily.
It’s not about the celebration; not about the Vera Wang wedding dress; it’s never about the number of guests present; not about the number of bishops present at the wedding; it will never be about the different colours of ‘asoebi’; it’s never about your honeymoon destination, it’s about the two individuals coming together in marriage and how determined they are to make it work.
I shake my fat head in disappointment each time I see the way it goes with high society weddings. In most cases, I see the rich not allowing their children to run their life; I see rich parents matchmaking and joining their children together because of social status; I look at the whole wedding preparations and all I can see are parents who still babysit their grown children; I see parents who make the wedding about them and not about the bride and groom; I see wedding halls filled with friends of daddy and mummy receiving the attention that should be on the newly wedded and their friends.
Just watch week and all you would see are children who are not allowed to become adults, you see children who can’t run their home tomorrow without mummy and daddy. In times past, parents raise children to become better than them; these days, rich parents raise their children to forever remain under them and be answerable to them.
Now; let me tell you, in simple terms, some of the things you should know
1. Marriage proper starts after the altar, the fairy tale wedding, and honeymoon. Don’t believe everything you read in those novels and watch on TV; it’s more of fantasies.
2. If you must be happily married, you must drop everything called selfishness. In the words of Apostle Paul, you must die to self. It ceases to be ‘ME’; it becomes ‘US’.
3. Your rights will be trampled on by your spouse and there’s nothing you can do about it if you want to stay married.
4. Ladies, there is nothing called gender equality in a happy home; it’s functional in the market place. There are co-pilots, it to avoid shipwreck, only one captain directs the boat.
5. Leave God out of it and be ready for what happens when God is out of it.
6. There is no perfect husband or wife, just two imperfect people who have chosen to come together as one and trusting in the grace of God to work on their imperfections.
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Email: amara@amarablessing.com
