Parents, Please Apologize to Your Kids

As a parent, I know we screw up a lot. There are times when I’ve said something to my daughter in anger and just felt extremely bad about it after. Sometimes, the guilt is heavy because I realise I’m doing the exact same thing my mother did to me when I was a child, and I remember how it made me feel. For me, the most important thing is to do right by my daighter, and future children, and I have learned that the best way to resolve this guilty feeling – and your child’s reactions – is to apologize to your kids.

Why You Should Apologize to Your Kids

Personally, I believe being able to calm down, evaluate the situation and offer a sincere apology to my daughter makes me a better parent. According to John Gottman Ph.D., letting your child know you are sorry lets him/her knw it’s okay to make mistakes from time to time and apologize for them. When you admit you shouldn’t have done something, it also shows your children their feelings matter to the person who is important in their lives.

Another reason why you should apologize to your kids is that it sets a good example for them. This way, they learn how they are supposed to act, and what isn’t okay to do to other people. Apologizing doesn’t mean you are giving up authority, but rather promotes mutual respect. If we are open with our kids about when we make a mstake and apologize, chances are higher that they will apologize when they make mistakes as well.

How To Apologize to Your Kids

As Nigerians, we know how our parents “apologized” to us. As opposed to actually saying the words “I am sorry”, we usually just got something along the lines of “Oya come and eat” or “are you still angry?”, depending on the type of parent we were blessed with. Sure, we grew up just fine, but it’s still very important to actually say the right words when apologizing.

Accept Responsibility for Your Actions

Let your child know that you know what you did was inappropriate. We get upset and frustrated sometimes, but it doesn’t make it alright to behave in certain ways. Always remember your children are watching. It also helps to explain how you felt, and what caused you to react the way you did.

Explain Why What You Did Was Wrong

It’s sometimes not enough to just say you’re sorry. Tell your child which one of your actions or sentences was wrong. And then take the time to explain to your child why what you did or said was wrong so they understand not to repeat the action.

Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings

Let your child know that you are aware your actions hurt his/her feelings. You can also use this opportunity to talk about what you plan to do to avoid doing it again. By doing this, we are teaching our children to learn from mistakes.

Ask for Forgiveness and Work on Solutions

This part is realy easy because children are pretty quick to forgive. It’s just better now because they know what they are forgiving you for. You can then proceed to make amends with your child, and discuss solutions that will help avoid another incident.