Why does no one warn you that making and keeping friends as an adult can feel like a full-time job?
As we get older, life starts to feel like a never-ending juggling act of careers, family, and just trying to get through the day. When you have a close group of friends with whom you share the ups and downs of life, chances are that you stay grounded and happy. But let’s be real, how do you actually keep those connections strong when your time is constantly being pulled in different directions?
Gone are the days of casually bumping into your bestie between classes or planning outfits for a day out. Now, it’s all about navigating real adult responsibilities and the stress that comes with them. And sometimes, life just happens.
Even though maintaining friendships can feel like a tough job, it’s far from impossible. You might not talk every day, and that’s okay. What really matters is making a deliberate effort to stay in touch.
Here are some ways to keep our friendships strong even when life gets hectic:
Schedule regular check-ins
Let your friends know you’re thinking of them and that you’re still a consistent part of their life. Whether it’s a weekly call, monthly brunch, or funny reels on Instagram, consistency helps maintain the bond.
Plan time together intentionally
If you are not intentional about scheduling days where you catch up with your friends, it might never actually happen. When you plan out the details of your time together, you get extra reasons to stay in contact and something to look forward to even if the get-together ends up being postponed.
Communicate honestly
Don’t allow unspoken misunderstandings to fester in your relationship. When friends come together to create a safe space to have difficult conversations openly and honestly, it makes the bond stronger and also helps you understand your friend better.
Keep your friends updated
Always keep your (true) friends in the loop about what’s going on in your life. As you grow and go through changes, you may assume people just “get it,” but if you’re not sharing life updates with them, they might feel left out or hurt. That lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings or distance, even when it’s unintentional. If you want someone to meet you where you are, you have to let them know where that is.
Give grace and have patience
Life seasons shift. As we go through life stages, it’s crucial to be mindful and aware of what is going on in each other’s lives. Maybe your best friend just had a baby or started a new job. Although she might not have time for long phone calls, she’ll appreciate a quick check-in or a thoughtful gesture.
Reciprocate effort
No one wants to feel like they’re the only one reaching out, and nobody likes a one-sided friendship. Everyone is busy and has responsibilities, so don’t allow one person to be the only one working to maintain the connection.
Show up for big and small moments
Always make it a point to be present for graduation parties, birthday parties, naming ceremonies, or any special milestone. Sometimes, your presence matters more than a gift. Sending gifts or money might not be the best option, especially when you can show up at the event. That kind of support shows commitment and genuine care.
At the end of the day, friendships in adulthood might require a bit more effort, but this is also the stage where we most need connection. With intention, patience, and mutual effort, those connections can not only survive but thrive.
Ask Life’s Big Sister
Is it okay to choose my family over my friendships?
It’s normal for family to take priority, especially during intense seasons like parenting. But friendships matter too. The key is balance. A text, voice note, or a brief check-in shows you care. Staying connected in small ways keeps friendships alive, even when life is full and time feels limited.
My friend became a father and changed completely. How do I handle it?
Fatherhood brings a shift in identity, routines, and emotional bandwidth. Instead of feeling shut out, try understanding where your friend is now. Adapt your expectations, suggest more flexible meetups, and check in with grace. Change doesn’t mean the friendship is over; it just needs room to grow in new ways.
How can fathers model good friendships for their kids?
Children learn from what they see. When a father maintains meaningful friendships—calls a friend, shows up during tough times, or hosts a casual hangout—he’s teaching emotional intelligence and loyalty. Modelling healthy male friendships shows that being strong includes connection, empathy, and consistency with the people who matter.
