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Love Is Generosity

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cool-loveWEEKS after hearing this song, I am still in shock because it signifies unkindness in every way imaginable. Bits of these rather poor vocal are words like these:

If you want something, you go come to me. No be me send you come L-a –a-gos, I no be your Papa…….

It was just one of those songs that we hear over the air these days. But I listened because the singer delivered them with the right emotion- intense anger; his anger comes right through for anyone to understand that he does not believe in sharing.

The cacophony of sound and other jumble of words that accompany this music place it where it belongs- in the trash can. As poor and uncaring as this song is, it does not however rule out the possibility that some other young men may agree with him because it is another song that ridicule women. Although derogation of women and their perceived parasitic nature through music is not new to us, but this song is an attack on dependent or needy women and even men.

In all cultures and languages, male singers have castigated women on issues ranging from relationships to the way they dress. The men have never felt comfortable for the women’s seemingly endless demand which appears to be financial all the time.

Take songs like Agaracha must come back; Kangaroo, etc; there is this one that lists all the demand his lover had ever made of him. At the end, he tells her sharply ma wa bi mo (Don’t come here again) like many such songs, the light hearted way it was sung made it enjoyable to the women folk alike No-be-me send-you come-Lagos is wicked, it is not from a generous heart, this is a man who will withhold water if it is what saves the life of another man, his unkindness is not limited to his wife or girlfriend.

We may say that nature or nurture has made it so, but men have been seen as providers for a long time. Women have taking more responsibility now and living her life her way, but it will be a long time before the woman will be completely free and independent so she may not fall into the hands of men like this singer. He still lives in the era where women suffered because some men would not provide for them. They labored in the farms so that their children would eat and have the basic needs although they purportedly had husbands women were less educated in the past, but they have always supported themselves with farming or trading while the men faced the larger picture of providing shelter the family. That his wife’s wardrobe would need updating would not have occurred to some men. A man who was enchanted with a new wife could not have thought that his older wife needed new clothes until she reminded him.

It is with this belief that if you do not ask him, you get nothing that is girl makes demand of a man. If you invite her out, she may ask of money to make her hair, while she expects you to bear the cost of lunch or dinner. Men did not mind in the past, they saw it as part of the wooing process. The older women knew from experience that the unkind man would drop out of the completion for your hands. They were forthright in the advice they gave to their daughters; ‘

Avoid anything to do with him who watches while clothes tear on your back. He will compound your pains with verbal or physical abuse”

From experience, they have known the type of men who were unkind to their wives to the point of degradation so they believed that asking for little favours will unmask his type early.

Favours do mean financial needs alone. It includes caring attitudes. You have your income now but make him believe you can do it alone. An ungenerous spouse will use intimidation to wriggle out of his duty.

Look back in time, famous men like M. K. O. Abiola were known for philanthropy before they were politicians. Women flocked to such men with hope of marriage irrespective of the ones already there.

When T.O.S Benson advised parents to send their daughters to school, he certainly was thinking of them not having to deal with unkind men.



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