This is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication; that every one of you should know how to posses his vessel in sanctification and honour” (1 Thess. 4:3-4).When I taught ‘Saints Sex and Sanctification,’ I received a lot of queries. People couldn’t understand why I said we could be saintly and sexy. Mostly among religious folks, the desire to appear righteous before man has made us worse than we intend to be.

Purity of life and heart is a great blessing. Purity means unstained, untampered, undiluted. But we know in real life there are no pure metals; we are all alloys, a mix of experience, culture, environment, influences, things we learn, things we see, etc. And to truly define purity in its terms could be hard.

But I love to say it is possible. One can really be made pure in certain areas of our lives. Sex, as sacred, is one of the places where purity is needed. But how can we define sexual purity? There are several opinions.

I think ‘fornication’ or ‘adultery’ is also in the thoughts as it is in the acts. It worries us to know that God takes into account our thoughts, words and acts. I have preached, taught, counseled and watched the changes of our time. I know I have some things to share as related to sex and the Christians stand on morality. There are few things I need to point out about living a fun-filled, yet vanity-free life.

1. Sex is basically good. No matter how you look at it, sex has its benefits, physically, psychologically and even spiritually.We are identified through our gender, our sexual identity. God made us male and female for a good purpose. Whatever sexual responses are in you is not because you are sinner, but because you are human. You naturally respond to your body hormones.

2. Sexual desires and patterns in us are not meant to be expressed just about any time or anyhow or anywhere. ‘Horny’ is not same thing as honey. That is where ‘honour’ comes in. You respect the sexual desires as sacred and very personal. It is not a game or something to toy with.

3. Sexual desires are there for a purpose. Most of it is used in the marriage bond, to strengthen relationships. Our bodies are not machines; they have feelings and a personality. You can’t just have sex and say it means nothing. Even a casual ‘sexting’ can mean a lot. Every relationship that has sex motivating it is going a path too deep and can be dangerous.

4. Sex is real. It happens. Let us not act as if we are not in a world with such alarming sexual alertness. We see murder and cheating all around us. We need to learn how to limit or even stop the influence of wrong things over our lives. There will be ‘flirting,’ ‘adulteries,’ ‘lust of all kinds.’ So, when I hear people talk about sex, I wonder! Are we here for that purpose? We can’t pretend the pressures and desires are happening even in us.Being aware is the first step. Everyone is not reading your Bible. Not everyone shares your perception and principles of morals. Not everyone goes to church. We need to accept that.

5. I once said ‘pornography’ is not same as nakedness. And a lot of persons misunderstood me. Pornography is a deliberate attempt to use graphic or imagery sexual acts to stir up wild passions and feelings in us. That deliberate act is not same as naked. We will be naked at one time of our lives or the other. You will see naked bodies. But the power of pornography or explicit sex scenes in movies lies in us. We should develop a higher mind, champion principles and guard our thinking now, not just our feelings. We may not be able to control our feelings or moods if we don’t have control over the mindset that created them. Our thoughts and mindset about sex determines what eventually control our feelings.

6. Masturbation is another area of controversy, and I try as much as I can to preach holiness without inventing sin. There are peoples who see wrong in anything related to sex. But if masturbation is wrong, where is it wrong? How is it wrong? What else do we recommend? I think mutual masturbation is beneficial in marriages at some point. It has helped people control their impulses. Yes, it can be addictive, but so is every other thing. The same principle we used to discipline our appetites is also welcomed here. But to outrightly say it is wrong has opened up a lot of loopholes I have seen in many years of counseling. If you can do without masturbation, great! But don’t condemn the person that uses it to escape the ‘great sin.’ We all need help here.

How do we establish biblical purity?
1. Be born-again. Sin is a nature. It is more than the acts.
2. Make up your mind. Set your mind higher. Think higher. Have lofty principles. For example, I won’t sleep with anyone unless the person I share my life with (spouse), no matter the temptation.
3. Know your body, know what turns you on and quickly walk away. It differs from person to person. Find out on time.
4. Enjoy sex with your marriage partner. Make it satisfying. Give yourself away when you have sex with your wife or husband. Have all your fantasies there.
5. If you have had a bad experience in the past, discuss with a godly counselor, a friend or a person you can trust.

6. Express your desire to stay pure in prayers. Jesus said we should pray ‘that we enter not into temptation.’ We usually don’t know how, but it happens. So, pray ahead.
7. Don’t talk about sex in such a way that makes it less sacred. Don’t use certain language that depicts a disregard for what sex should really mean. Avoid such lousy discussions.
8. Realise that we need more love than sex. Sex is exhausting, but love is fulfilling. We can sin with sex, but love covers a multitude of sin. If only we can see this, all these talk about infidelity in marriages would be forgotten. Love lost leads to lustful yearnings.
9. Remember that nobody ever died for lack of sex and that everybody is doing it doesn’t mean same for you. Bodily exercise profits little, rather exercise your mind sense. Train it to do it right anytime. Sift out the unnecessary things.
10. Decide now. No matter how long you have been a wrong need, you can turn back. You can begin again. You can be pure.
-E.C Samuel, 08027173447.
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