Criticisms are meant to be welcomed feedback from those who genuinely care about your growth and have certain contributions to give in that regard. However, they can only be wholeheartedly received when given with the right intentions.
Generally, the average human doesn’t want to be criticised, because there’s something in everyone that strives towards perfection.
Nonetheless, a mature mindset and a person with understanding know better than to reject constructive criticisms, especially, when they know that the person giving it, has their best interest at heart.
This brings us to the question? How can you tell when a criticism is constructive or destructive? How are you sure it’s not your ego rejecting that corrective feedback? Now, when it comes to constructive criticism, the focus is placed on giving feedback, to help someone get better.
A person who constructively criticises your actions or your work, would most likely offer specific suggestions and pen out areas for your growth.
Destructive criticism, on the other hand, comes with a negative energy and is targeted at tearing you down, without offering guidance for your improvement, consequently causing harm to your confidence and esteem.
What Makes People Give Destructive Criticisms?
Several factors come into play when people give destructive criticisms. These factors may include insecurity, jealousy, or frustration. However, there are times when these perceived negative criticisms, can come from a lack of communication skills or an inability to express disagreement constructively; some people just don’t know how to communicate their intentions appropriately.
Other factors might result from personal biases and unresolved issues. That person might just have certain struggles or negative background experiences which can influence their perspective towards you or what you do. You know what they say? “Hurting people hurt others.”
Certain studies on online interactions indicate that a considerable portion of negative comments can be attributed to anonymity, with approximately 30 to 40 persons of online users engaging in destructive criticism due to the perceived lack of accountability.
Some people just feel they can tear others down and get away with it because they believe no one can hold them responsible.
How Then Do You Manage Destructive Criticisms?
In managing destructive criticisms, your first response should be calmness and composure; after which you can proceed to analyse the feedback objectively, and extract any potential constructive elements that could contribute to your growth.
Having done this, also take a moment to consider the source of this criticism. Are the intentions of this person credible? If yes, then take a step further by seeking clarification. If the criticism needs to be clarified, ask for specific examples or details to understand better the issues raised.
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Also, understand that not every criticism requires a response. This is why you should focus on addressing those that are constructive and can contribute to your improvement.
Another way to manage negative criticisms is by building resilience. You can develop a mindset that views criticism as an opportunity for growth, rather than a personal attack.
You can also see beyond the negative energy, reflect on the valid points, in case there are any, and consider how you can implement changes or improvements where necessary.
Seek support if you’ve done all these and still struggle with managing destructive criticisms. Try talking to trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues for perspective and guidance on handling the criticism.
How Do You Manage Destructive Criticisms From Loved Ones?
Managing destructive criticism from a loved one can be challenging, due to the emotional bond you both share. How then do you can manage it?
• Do Not React Defensively. Take a deep breath and actively listen to what they’re saying without interrupting.
• Express Your Feelings: Try making them understand how their words make you feel, without sounding accusatory.
• Seek Understanding: Ask for clarification to better understand their perspective. Sometimes, there may be miscommunication or a misunderstanding.
• Set Boundaries: If the criticism becomes too hurtful, establish boundaries and communicate that you’re open to constructive feedback but not to destructive comments.
• find common ground: Identify areas of agreement or understanding to maintain a positive connection.
• Choose the Right Time: Discuss the issue when both of you are calm and receptive. By all means, avoid moments of heightened tension.
• Encourage Constructive Feedback: Let them know you value their input but prefer it to be delivered in a constructive manner that focuses on improvement.
And then again, there remains the option of considering professional help, especially if the negative criticisms are already causing a strain on the relationship or making it toxic. You can always seek the assistance of a therapist or counsellor, just to provide a neutral space for constructive communication.
Remember, managing destructive criticism is about maintaining your emotional well-being while extracting valuable insights for personal or professional development. Also, open communication and understanding go a long way in adequately managing criticisms from loved ones.
