For thousands of Nigerians who have migrated abroad with their children, adapting to new parenting cultures is often daunting. Besides avoiding cultural missteps, parents strive to raise their children according to homeland traditions

In southwest Nigeria, and likely most of the country, people see raising a child as a communal effort. In the past, any adult in the neighbourhood could correct a misbehaving child without the parents being concerned. There was a stronger emphasis on punitive measures as a deterrent, too.

“In the UK, children learn by pushing boundaries, and community involvement is discouraged,” says Dr Cynthia Okpokiri, the lead author of a 2020 study on Nigerian parents living in the UK. “Here, parents, rather than neighbours or extended family members, have sole responsibility for their children,”

In the United Kingdom, authorities may deem some punitive measures used by Nigerian parents as child abuse.

Parenting in fear

A study in The British Journal of Social Work explains that cultural differences and misconceptions often make Nigerian parents fear penalties from authorities. It finds that factors such as power, race, and cultural differences shape these parents’ thought processes.

The fear is understandable. Realising that social workers can take your child away for something permissible in your culture creates a feeling of powerlessness.

Two-thirds of the parents interviewed for the study say they are open to sending their children back to Nigeria. Especially if they prove too difficult to train in the UK.

“You have to be extremely careful with the way you support your kids as well, so you won’t get yourself into trouble,” a father interviewed for the study says. “You can lose your child.”

Two Nigerian parents in the UK tell Guardian Life that teaching their children their culture has not gone smoothly.

“Despite my efforts to instil my rooted cultural values and morals, it’s different here in terms of liberal values and culture,” says Titilayo Fadayomi, a 36-year-old caregiver.

“In Nigeria, you can’t have your children at 18 boldly discussing boyfriend or girlfriend matters with you, or parents encouraging their children to vape all in the name of socialising.”

Upholding the Nigerian culture

Maintaining Nigerian cultural values and traditions while raising children abroad is crucial for both parents. They explain that they strive to uphold the culture they cherish in Nigeria. For 31-year-old Chinonso Iroemen, an Uber driver, ensuring that his children maintain “greetings every morning, speaking native languages, and making Nigerian dishes” is important.

Titilayo emphasises the importance of respect for elders, noting, “I teach my children that elders deserve respect and should not be spoken to rudely. The young people here can be rude, at least in our Nigerian understanding of respect to elders.”

Adopting best-of-both-worlds approaches has not produced sterling results for many. Other Nigerian parents are often judgemental of those who prefer tilting towards British parenting styles.

“We found a fear of being misunderstood, either by fellow parents, social workers, or other authorities, shaped the way they bring their children up,” Dr Okpokiri says. “Our research reveals the need for social work professionals and other child welfare authorities to understand the different pressures on black African parents who are unfamiliar with UK parenting norms.”

Raising children in a cultural environment other than in which they were born presents significant challenges and complexities. Understanding and embracing cultural differences while instilling Nigerian heritage can help children thrive globally. This might include teaching and communicating in the local dialect and imparting traditional values. These are elements that remain indispensable and form a lasting part of the children’s identity.