Toks Aruoture is a mindset strategist, entrepreneur and public speaker. She is an alumni of the University of Hertfordshire. Aruoture, who found her passion for coaching and mentoring as a Nursery furniture designer, is the founder of The Baby Cot shop based in London. The TEDx speaker shared her narrative on ‘The Superpower of Authentic Storytelling’; she is also the host of ‘Living Inside Out’ podcast. In this interview with IJEOMA THOMAS-ODIA, she shares her story and passion for helping women in business identify and remove limiting beliefs and mindsets to explore their exceptional abilities.

What inspired you to delve into leadership, entrepreneurship and mind strategy
development?
I fell into it. My entry into the world of business was a blind one. I had zero experience running a business; I thought desire and a clear picture of what I wanted were all I needed. I didn’t factor in challenges because the stories of entrepreneurship I was privy to only highlight the wins.
I had just had my third son and requested more suitable hours from the pharmaceutical company where I worked as a medical representative and they turned me down.

I read a book where the author described your gift as something you did effortlessly and everyone thought it was a big deal except you. For me, it was interior design. My friends loved my home and thought it looked terrific, but I didn’t understand the fuss. So, I decided to enroll in an interior design course.
Shortly after, I set up an interior design firm specialising in residential homes. One day, my husband returned from work and said, “Why don’t we move to the United States?” It made sense to me, so, we sold our home and moved our family abroad, and in the process of our move, I acquired a high-end baby furniture boutique. I merged my interior design background with the sale of beautiful pieces and began to specialise as a nursery and children’s interior designer. Life was perfect.
Then, we started to hear rumours of a coming recession. And we lost everything in the great recession of 2008. We returned empty-handed to the UK, and I was also pregnant with our fourth son. I explored the market and saw nothing like what we sold in the United States, so I set up an online boutique, selling luxury furniture by artisans I carefully curated from around the world. In 2017, we responded to the demand to see our beautiful pieces in person and opened our flagship store on King’s Road in Chelsea, London. In 2021, we launched our furniture and interior brand.The journey from starting with nothing to becoming the preferred furniture brand for discerning parents was filled with a lot of work on my mind. I couldn’t afford a website designer, so I taught myself how to do so at a time. Achieving something I previously thought was only possible with money showed me there were other currencies besides cash.

I began the practice of introspection and found more gems like resilience, courage, creativity, friendships and more. But I also discovered traits that could have been better. Also present were layers of limiting beliefs that swaddled those gems. I began peeling away the layers to access my gifts. I didn’t realise I was working on my mindset until I started to help others. That was how I got into the practice of mindset strategy. The benefit of starting a business when you are at rock bottom is that there is no fear of failure; you can’t fall any further. I was excited at every little bit of success; even an enquiry that did not lead to a sale thrilled me because it meant something I previously only imagined was now happening. Still I was shocked at how difficult it was, and the once-certain Toks sometimes showed up as a confused, uncertain business owner.
The start of anything new comes with sufficient fuel but more is needed to continue. You have to keep pouring into yourself when the reality of entrepreneurship sets in. I vowed then that when I became successful, I’d share my journey so people like me wouldn’t have the same experience of stabbing in the dark that I did. That was how I began imparting insights and tips on running a business.

What strategies do you employ as a public speaker to effectively engage and inspire your audience?
My go-to strength is authenticity. Yes, I know it is an overused word, but let’s take advantage of the power of showing up as you. I often get asked, “How can you tell your stories of failure so comfortably?” That’s because it is my story. It is inspiring because it is accurate, and everyone can relate to disappointment. So, I recommend showing up as yourself, and this isn’t something you decide to do on stage; instead, it is a lifestyle. You get into that lifestyle by practicing introspection daily. Once you become used to seeing the ugly side of you, you will no longer deny its existence; instead, you will receive the courage and willingness to work on it.
Another strategy is to use your natural gift. I am a storyteller. My mum called me this from
childhood, but I never saw it as a strength. It wasn’t until I began to look back and recall my
housemates in boarding school sitting on my bed mesmerised as I recounted the day’s events or how I’d read a book and proceeded to break down the story from start to finish to anyone who would listen that I realised it was a gift.
My TEDx talk is a story and people are captivated because they can see themselves in it. Due to demand, I run workshops on how to write your rock star story. It is essential to tap into your strengths because they animate your words; when you do so, you won’t need to copy someone else’s style.
A third strategy I recommend is having a defined structure from start to finish. For example, my speeches usually include a story or two and leave the audience with lessons to ponder. If it is a corporate audience, I would include exercises to make it more interesting and memorable. My goal is not to inspire people because inspiration fades; rather, I seek to transform minds so their thinking is elevated and their ensuing actions create extraordinary results.

In your experience, what are some key mindset shifts that women need to make to thrive in business and in life?
Learn to accept responsibility for every part of your life and business. The minute you can point to the cause of failure, you are giving over a portion of your life to be controlled. Embrace a positive outlook even in the face of challenges. One of my favourite sayings is, “It can’t rain forever”. Business can be unpredictable; one day, you are questioning why you got into it, and the next, you can’t imagine life in the corporate world.
Embrace the highs and the lows; it forms a beautiful mosaic of your business journey. Place yourself at the top of the list. Women are socialised to feed on leftovers. We often wait to treat ourselves on special occasions. And if you have a family, we tend to exhaust ourselves looking after them, and then we feed on the satisfaction of feeling like a good wife or mother. Stop! Stop feeling guilty when you take time out for yourself. By placing yourself
at the top of the list, you bring your whole self to your family, enriching the dynamic in your home while also teaching your children not to be second place in someone else’s life. You also increase your sense of worthiness instead of burdening others with that responsibility. Take risks. Women tend to be risk-averse and prefer to operate with caution, but the
entrepreneurial world is laced with risk. Choose opportunities that foster resilience; this means going forward when your instinct is to pull back. One thing that’s guaranteed in
business is setbacks. With the right mindset, you will not define a hiccup as a failure, and you will keep going when everyone around you says quit.

What advice would you give to women who are looking to pursue their entrepreneurial dreams, particularly in industries where they may face barriers?
Every industry has barriers, although some are more rigid than others. I am engaging the services of a mentor. A mentor cannot prevent problems, but they can show you the way around the obstacles. We tend to get frustrated when something that should be straightforward has roadblocks. Your goal should not be to remove the roadblocks; instead, it is to use the roadmap of someone who has gone ahead of you. Most people are happy to share their knowledge; don’t limit your search for a mentor to the industry or women. Be proactive in networking. Different perspectives can offer unique insights and approaches to problem-solving.
Finally, always continue learning. Beyond innovation and changes to the industry landscape, a business can only grow as much as the owner. You have to work on your mind to develop resilience and tenacity; it is a more practical option than trying to remove the obstacles, which will deplete your energy and take your focus off your part.

What initiatives or support systems do you believe are crucial for fostering the growth of women-owned businesses?
Access to funding stands out as a critical need. Despite advancements in women’s presence in corporate leadership, women-owned businesses remain significantly underfunded. Bridging this gap in entrepreneurship could mirror the progress seen in larger organisations. As I mentioned previously, mentoring is crucial. I have been mentored, and I can attest to the change it brought to my business. Sometimes, all you need is to borrow someone else’s confidence that it can be done. As a woman, your mentor does not have to be female. Men make good mentors, too. Mentors don’t have to be known personally either. Biographies, listening to good podcasts are all learning experiences.

The reason I champion authentic storytelling, like I did in my TEDx talk, is because when I started out, I struggled to find genuine accounts of women overcoming obstacles and achieving success. So, I vowed to share mine openly once I found my footing; which is why I get overwhelmingly positive feedback from my speaking engagements. People connect with true stories, even when they include challenges. We need to foster more conversations in the business world with men. While men often dominate discussions, fostering balanced conversations benefits both genders. Women-led initiatives supporting female entrepreneurs are essential, in addressing our unique challenges. But the either-or mentality won’t work. We also need to engage men to provide insights into their approach, and having them advocate for us is crucial.

Balancing a successful career with family life can be challenging. How do you manage to navigate both aspects of your life effectively?
I confess that something always gives. Sometimes, it is my family; other times, it’s my business. I devised a way to manage my expectations, which I also teach my clients because finding balance starts with a mindset of balance, knowing you are a sum of many parts, and each part deserves your attention. Divide your life into the relevant categories; remember to add yourself. Many of us are already doing a great job but are unaware of it because we don’t acknowledge it to ourselves. Categorising the various aspects of your life opens your eyes to recognise just how well you are doing, thereby removing the guilt of being an entrepreneur with a family to care for. It also keeps you in check as it becomes easier to spot when you are neglecting a crucial part of your life.