Listening is a demanding activity. It is easy to nod along to a child’s observation, complaint, or request. In many homes, parents hear, but do not listen to their children.
“They listen to respond and not to understand,” says peaceful parenting educator and founder Galparenting place, Abimbola Olayinka.
“Listening involves more than a passive response; it demands an active participation, an understanding of a child’s message, and empathy in relating with the child’s emotional needs per conversation. Many parents, though, opine that the equation should be reversed – the children listening, the parents speaking.”
However, listening can be a great tool for improving the bond you share with your children.
“When you listen to your child, you are saying to them that you are there for them, that they can come to you for anything, and that you are involved in their experiences. Listening boosts your child’s confidence, and serves as an assurance of love and care.”
Olayinka who is also the creator of Peaceful Parenting Hub stressed that engaging your children through frequent conversations can greatly contribute to their wellness and success. Children are imaginative and are often subject to creative ideas.
Who do they turn to when they stumble upon an idea that can change the world? You. Your children are encouraged when they find a listening ear in you, when they can come to you with their ingenious concepts without worrying about a rebuke.
“Listening to your child increases the odds of your child’s obedience. Much of parenting is modelling. Effective parenting models a behaviour for a child to adopt. Children live what they learn. When parents listen to children, children learn to listen to their parents. A child who feels respected and appreciated will easily and gladly return the favour, thus strengthening the connection between the parent and the child.”
Parents can influence their kids by listening to them. Listening can be a tool for accessing your children’s emotional state, and identifying their needs, thoughts, and intentions. You can probe grey areas, ask questions directly related to what they have just told you, and sustain the conversation.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, but with the intent to reply,” says Stephen Covey.
Through parenting, you can learn to listen with the purpose of understanding. You find that you have questions. You are interested in becoming more involved. You care much more than you would if you were passively hearing your children.
How about your children’s self-confidence and social skills? A child who has had hours of conversations with his parents, who has shared ideas and presented opinions, and who has been listened to and encouraged, will be more confident in himself and his abilities than the child who is constantly shut up. Children can also pick up the etiquettes of respectful, healthy social conversation from home, when you listen to them.
The parenting enthusiast added that you can leverage the benefits of listening to your children. Invite them for conversations. Begin today by listening to them, and watch them listen to you. “Dear parents, peace begins with your ability to listen and understand your child and not listening with the intent to respond.”
