(Understanding The Secret To Thriving Marriage)

Avoid Unrest In Your Home
There are forces that are creating marital unrest. Understanding the secret of rest in the family are the rules for enjoying good family rest.(Genesis 25:22-28; Micah 7:6-7)

Life is full of battles and crises. When an individual does not have a family and a peaceful home for refuge that person can best be described as amiserableperson.

A man’s home is meant to be a: shade (covering); shield (defense);store (treasure); staircase (promotional channel); study (learning place); story place (sharing of joy/memories); serene park (calm and peaceful); special hangout (a place to miss always). But carefreeness and carelessness can empower the devil to convert it to war theatre.

Courses Of Crises And Unrest
• Individual differences, likes and dislikes.
• Favoritism.
• Lack of respect.
• Selfishness.
• Pride, arrogance, better than thou attitude.
• Lack of forgiveness and refusing to let go.
• Poor communication.
• Assumption.
• Overboard assessment.
• Overboard expectation.

There Are Five Stages To Family Unrest
• Misunderstanding stage.
• Fighting stage.
• Problem stage.
• Crises stage.
• Deadly stage.

Building A Problem Solving Mid-set
• Know that you are unique and different.
• Know that your world view differ from each other.
• Know that misunderstanding does not necessarily mean hate.
• Resolving the misunderstanding the moment you notice it.
• Avoid procrastination and delay when you sense misunderstanding.
• Fighting and fighting right is bad of a good relation. Your fight must not be for selfish interest, fight for overall interest rather than single.
• When you issue step to problem stage, carefulness is needed because it is the third-party stage.
• Know when to withdraw from the fight and consider it over.
• Be mindful of crises stage. It is the stage that one party or both parties consider each other as worst enemy.

Healing The Family At Time Of Crises
• Be humble.
• Be willing to say I am sorry.
• Be ready to accept your wrong.
• Be ready to tolerate.
• Strive to accept the offended.
• Be strong enough to let go and forgive.
• Beware! Unresolved crises could become generational crises.
• Believe in each other.
• Be naked.
• Invest in each other.

Achieving Good Relationship
(Ecclesiastics 4:7-12)
Man is created for partnership. No single man can survive alone. See Eccl. 4:10.
There are kinds of relationships such as: parent-child; sibling; same sex; opposite sex; mixed sex; older and younger age; workers; organisational and religion and faith.

What is Relationship?
This has to do with connectivity between two or more persons. The way they talk, behave and deal with one another.

My mother, Mrs. Rose Wolemonwu, will always say: “When you see two good friend with a long time of great relationship, check it one person between them is keeping the relationship going.”

Two outstanding facts in relationship are building and maintaining a long lasting relationship.
Note That In Life, It Is Cheaper To Build Than To Maintain.
• To build is to acquire.
• To maintain is to keep it alive, lovely, beautiful and enviable.
I have come to discover that in life man is beyond pleasing; even when he acts pleased watch it; it is only temporal.

Therefore, don’t try to please your friends, but try to do the right thing that pleases God and right to be done – no man can be pleased.

Tips For A Positive Relationship
• Keep vows and promises – Eccl. 5:5.
• Be friendly.
• Tolerance – know that everyone is different hence the need to tolerate – No man is perfect.
• Learn to say thank you – Prov. 27:9 – use several ways to appreciate, send SMS, post, cards, etc.
• Learn to say am sorry
• Admits your wrong – Psalm 51:3
• Accept apologies without excuses – 1 Peter 4:8; Prov. 10:12
• Pursue to be in peace – Rom. 14:19, 12:18; Heb. 12:14
• Don’t make fun of guilt – Prov. 14:9.
• See Luke 17:3-4 – Forgive others
• Learn to appreciate the good qualities in your friend.
• Be attentive to discover their good qualities rather than dwell in the bad ones. Some people know how to discover other people wrong than their good. Many hardly keep record of your good deeds but they have volumes of written and unwritten wrongs of others. To them they are above offending others.
• Learn to apply withdrawal method when necessary– Prov. 5:17.
• Always say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Learn to share gifts – Don’t always be at the receiving end, also learn to give. Eccl. 20:29; Ex. 23:8.
• Don’t force your friend(s) to change their behavior, it will bring friction but make them see reasons to change. Have a positive contagious behaviour.
• Always deal with offence before it gets hardened – Prov. 18:19.
• Be what you want your friends to be – Prov. 18:24.
• Get involved in life enhancing and positive discussions.
• Always be sure of everything before you become the bearer of your friend’s tale.
• Try to play and have fun all the time, it eases tensions.
• Love – Prov. 17:17, this should be unconditional with no string attached.
• Encourage one another
• Accept responsibility
• Manage emotions
• Respect each other as it relates:
• Positive opinions,
• Privacy,
• Personality,
• Pride,
• Possessions.

These are the five (P’s) of respect.
• Don’t be lazy and slothful – Prov. 18:9.
• Always pray for and together, and encourage each other to study the word.

• Ven. Stephen Wolemonwu is the Rector Ibru Ecumenical Centre, 08035413812.