As a marriage and family counsellor for over three decades, I have heard about battery, maltreatment, infidelity, insincerity, lack of trust and others, among couples.

Marriage is a beautiful experience depending on the partner with whom you went into it. Marriage in itself is harmless; it is not bad. But it is those (the couples) who go into it that determine if it will be pleasant for them or unpleasant.

Talking about the issue of battery in a marriage, I strongly believe that any man who beats his wife must have exhibited that tendency. He must have exhibited an uncontrollable or excessively high level of anger either to you or his co-worker or his sibling(s) or even his parents.

Such person must have quarrelled or fought with someone over something little and you were trying to mediate and telling him to stop the fight and he refused, those for me are some highlights. Do not be deceived by the looks of the person. Do not be carried away by the person’s intelligence.

Before going ahead to marry such a person, don’t say, “love will change him” or you will pray and Holy Spirit will change him. The change must be conspicuously noticeable before marriage.

Saying: “I do” to man or a woman goes beyond the feelings attached to the words. Saying: “I do” means you have accepted the man or woman with every weakness, strength, frailties, imperfections and perfections among others. However, this is usually not the case when people say, “I do.” Most people look at beauty, shape and money.

If you marry a woman who keeps malice with almost everyone, including her parents, be rest assured that she would replicate same to your family members including your parents. And nobody will like his/her parents to be insulted or disrespected no matter who the person is.

People like that do not have any form of regard for anyone no matter the position or age. If you marry such a lady without first seeing a marriage counsellor or you both sitting down to iron out that aspect of her life, you will not enjoy the marriage — you will only be enduring it. Marriage was created by God to be enjoyed not endured. Love you!
• Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.