“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.’’ —Proverbs 18:24
[NIV]
ANY relationship that is not defined will end up defiling you! God is responsible for bringing people into our lives but it is our own responsibility to define them. Most relationship errors are avoidable if we actually take proper time to define them. No matter the cost involved, don’t ever defile yourself to defend your love for someone because whatever you compromise to keep, you will eventually lose. Defilement comes in different ways; a wrong relationship will ultimately defile your purpose, vision, mind and your body.

In my years of experience as a relationship counsellor, I have conclusively arrived at a point where I believe strongly that: “when the wrong people leave your life, the wrong things stop happening”, it is also equally true that: “when the right people enter your life, right things start happening.”

I need to say at this critical juncture that wrong people are not necessarily bad people but simply people that are not going in your direction! There are some people that you need to painfully give-up, for you to go up in life. Ninety per cent of getting what you want is in knowing what you have to give up in order to get it. When purpose is clear, your choice of partner is simplified; purpose simplifies your choices and reduces errors. Relationship has direction to the extent that it has purpose and every relationship will be abused to the level that it lacks purpose.

The peculiar aura of Valentine is just around the corner; the frills, thrills and paparazzi are here again. The Valentine season is meant for deep connection and not a day for unholy sexual explorations and defilement. I really will not want to use this platform to go into the origin and history of Valentine’s Day but rather help youths to avoid the abuse of a day that has become synonymous with wild sexual adventures and escapades.

The tragic end of the musical legend that did so much through her songs to positively influence our definition of love is both sympathetic and worth learning from. Whitney Houston sang more about love but ended up becoming its victim! History will never forget the Valentine’s Day of 1985, a day when one of the greatest love albums was released by Whitney Houston and also heralded her launching into limelight. It is ironically sympathetic that Whitney, after much struggle with addiction and abuse later died in the month of ‘love’ that brought her fame and glory, the acclaimed goddess of soul music died a tragic death on February 11, 2012.

Born on August 9, 1963, in Newark, New Jersey, to gospel singer Cissy Houston and goddaughter to Aretha Franklin. Houston’s upbringing was the embodiment of musical greatness and seemed destined for stardom almost from the very beginning. Houston released her debut album, ‘’Whitney Houston’’ in February 1985 to wide acclaim. Her 1985 debut album eventually became the dawn of a new era.

Few debut albums launch artistes from complete obscurity to the heights of cultural and commercial appreciation like Whitney Houston’s 1985 debut album. The 10 tracks in her debut album heralded the arrival of a pop superstar simply referred to as ‘The Voice’. Three of the singles released from the album, ‘’Saving All My Love For You’’, ‘’How Will I Know’’ and ‘’Greatest Love of All’’, had been the love anthem for lovers for the past 31 years.

It was amazing how an album released on Valentine’s Day broke all conceivable records and ended up becoming the first debut album and the first album by a female artiste to achieve that feat. At the 28th Grammy Awards in 1986, Whitney Houston recorded four nominations including album of the year and won one, Best Pop Vocal Performance Female for ‘’Saving All My Love For You’’. It was amazing how a 21-year old could flawlessly blend R&B and Pop in one dose; that versatility was the essential ticket to her stardom.

Her striking beauty, undisputable charisma and divinely–gifted voice made her meteoric rise to superstardom virtually inevitable. But her erratic behaviour, tumultuous relationships and crushing addictions made her premature and tragic end almost equally irrevocable. Her downward trajectory started when she met R&B bad boy, Bobby Brown. The two met in 1989 and married three years later, Houston’s clean-cut pop image began to tarnish with her marriage to Bobby Brown. A love story mixed with drugs, abuse, battered self-esteem and domestic violence.

Though Whitney Houston moved millions with her electrifying voice but she also battled personal demons, toxic dependencies, and crippling self-destructive behaviours. Brown has been widely criticized for being a bad influence on the diva. By the 2000s, her career was in a free fall as her album sales dropped and her sonorous voice began to show signs of wear and tear. Her downward trajectory was catalysed by the same relationship she held on to after series of red alerts. Though the couple eventually divorced in 2007 after 15 years of a turbulent and abusive marriage, but Whitney never fully recovered from the destructive impact of a love story that eventually went sour.

On February 11, 2012, just few days to Valentine, Whitney Houston was found dead by her bodyguard on the fourth floor of an upscale Beverly Hills hotel in California where only hours later she was to attend a pre-Grammy bash hosted by her long-time mentor, Clive Davis. She was found in her hotel room with her face underwater. Autopsy tests later confirmed a cocktail of prescription drugs and alcohol as the cause of her death. It was tragic end for a six-time Grammy-award winner who ceaselessly wowed the crowd, who once had it all with staggering success in the music and movie worlds.

You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people. – Joel Osteen
One critical aspect of relationships that I wish to underline and emphasize is the aspect of healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries produce healthy relationships and a lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. When you tell your partner to stop! Are they angry or don’t just respect your opinion? It is a great evidence of abuse later in the relationship. What is important in relationships is that we respect each other’s boundaries.

To force a dating partner to go beyond these boundaries is never an act of love but rather a sign of perpetual abuse and this portends great danger for the future of any relationship. You cannot respect someone if you cannot respect their boundaries. There must always be something that is forbidden in a healthy relationship and it is good to know that the decision not to have sexual intercourse with someone may mean the end of the relationship, but the decision is worthwhile.

Relationships matter! When God is not ‘first’ in a relationship, every other thing is ‘false’. I want to advise the youths never to be casual with their relationships. As in the tragic story of Whitney Houston, people that are casual with their relationships end up becoming casualties in life. A wrong relationship will drain your emotions, waste your time and squander your resources. An unprofitable relationship weakens your will, character, morality, virtue, discernment and judgement. You need to constantly audit and evaluate the relationships in your life in order to perpetuate your growth and peace of mind. Some people might be irreplaceable but there is no man that is indispensable, train yourself to always cut-off from every relationship that is inimical to your growth, no matter the cost.

Cutting off certain people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. Do not let negative people rent a space in your head, raise the rent and kick them out! The two major things that keep people in the wrong relationships are simply ignorance and emotions. It is poignant to know that even when it is glaring through knowledge that a relationship is toxic to your growth, many still hold on because of emotions. I have heard pathetic stories of how a man constantly and mercilessly beats a lady and each time she returns the next day for another round of abuse. This lady is no longer fighting ignorance but rather she is having a tough battle with her emotions-foolish emotions! I decree into your life, the death of every unprofitable and abusive relationship in Jesus’ Name. Cut off fake people for real reasons, not real people for fake reasons.

Dear young lady, have you really defined him, is he your ‘purpose’ partner or ‘sexual’ partner, does he inspire your latent abilities or inspire your sexual urge? A relationship that is centred on immorality is doomed even before it began. Don’t join the club of girls that end up defiling themselves on Valentine’s Day. So many youths have become victims of relationship decoys and have lost their marital destination because they chose to feed their ‘flesh’ and sexual appetites more than they long to feed their ‘souls’.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the youths out there, married couples and new-found lovers. Tomorrow is an opportunity to have fun in a godly way. It is your responsibility tomorrow to keep yourself pure and undefiled.