Feyikemi Oyewole in Am I Ready?… A spiritual guide to marital journey
Marriage means different things to people. While some believe it is a bittersweet experience, others see it as an institution that requires lots of unlearning, re-learning and learning. Many also believe a hitch-free marriage is a myth, and cannot be achieved, while others boast and insist it isn’t a fairytale and achievable.
This is the central message in Am I Ready?… A spiritual guide to the marital journey written by Feyikemi Oyewole. In the book, she notes that if there is going to be a lasting marriage, or otherwise, there are certain indicators. She explains that fundamental traits such as belief system, mindset and actions are not to be overlooked because these things eventually come up in marriage.
“This is what defines the behaviour as a flashing indicator. During courtship, it is hardly seen in full display. However, the moment they put a ring on it, they become comfortable with revealing their true personalities. Therefore, it is important to know that we cannot change anyone. People may change, but this is not because of something we have said or done. People change when they have the conviction to do so and this comes from the within (the core). Do not marry someone whose attitude or mindset is not right for you.”
Oyewole notes that for a marriage to be strong and calm any storm, the works of the flesh, which she identifies as sexual immorality, impurity, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger rivalries must be forsaken, while the fruits of the spirit- love, patience, gentleness, self-control, faithfulness, joy, peace, and kindness, must be embraced.
“In marriage, beat the flesh. Everyone who wants to enjoy marital bliss must put his or her flesh under continuously. When we denounce the works of the flesh, it means we have to replace them with something and this ‘something’ is called the fruits of the spirit.
“With the latter, no one can go wrong in marriage. However, something that is worth noting is that possessing and growing in the fruits of the spirit in marriage cannot be one-sided. It requires the know-how from both parties. You will agree with me that two cannot work together unless they agree, Amos 3: 3.”
She adds that when a family gets it right in nurturing and training (from education to culture) their children and wards, it removes the burden from the society to do what the family should have done in the first place.
Speaking on what prompted her to write the book, Oyewole says, “I have been married for 11 years but I have had great experiences. My husband and I have had challenges that do not stem from our attitudes or mind-set but external challenges life brought about. This includes joblessness amongst many others. You will agree with me that battling with these challenges can find a way into our emotions and if we are not careful by allowing our emotions to override us, such challenges can pose a great threat to our marital journey.”
The author notes that the book is targeted at people from the ages 13 to adulthood.
“I started praying for my life partner at the age of 13. One of my teachers who was also our school sporting activities coordinator inspired us to pray as we sat on the school bus waiting for the city stadium to be opened for our Children’s day match past. Therefore, I believe my target audience age would be from age 13, including every single and married person that wants to learn more about Gods’ intention (in creation) for marriage.”