Saturday, 30th September 2023

Bed Mate Or Soul Mate?

05 December 2015   |   2:18 am
One of the most abused vocabularies in ‘youth’s dictionary’ is ‘dating’, it has been so much abused that it has now become synonymous with ‘mating’! Don’t ever date someone that you never intend to marry, it is a bad experiment! William Shakespeare in one of his legendary plays ‘’Twelfth Night’’ said, ‘’the journey ends in lovers meeting.’’



“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.’’ – Hebrews 3:14

‘’Important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.’’ – Paulo Coelho

One of the most abused vocabularies in ‘youth’s dictionary’ is ‘dating’, it has been so much abused that it has now become synonymous with ‘mating’! Don’t ever date someone that you never intend to marry, it is a bad experiment! William Shakespeare in one of his legendary plays ‘’Twelfth Night’’ said, ‘’the journey ends in lovers meeting.’’ The journey of life is already bankrupt without divine encounters with people that have been specially designed to help us fulfil our destiny; the greatest loss in life is the loss of someone that is significant to your destiny. In fact, life’s journey is meaningless without ‘destiny’ and ‘covenant’ friends. There is no more honour in a marriage when the couple had already become bed mates before becoming soul-mates. The scripture says that marriage is honourable only when the bed remains undefiled. The doom of many marriages is that so many people become bed mates long before becoming best of friends! In any relationship, don’t ever defile yourself to defend your love for anybody. Whatever you defile yourself to keep is what you will eventually lose.

So many people have debunked the existence of soul-mate but the truth is right inside the word of God. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” – Genesis 2:24. There are soul-mates that are destined to cleave. A soul-mate is someone who leaves an indelible mark on your soul. Your soul-mate is someone with whom you have a very deep connection. It is a meeting of mind, heart, body and soul on the highest of levels. Communication is at its easiest, as they understand you perfectly, and accept you completely with no judgement.
Throughout life you will meet one person who is unlike another. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored, you could tell them things and they won’t judge you. This person is your soul-mate; your best friend. Don’t ever let them go. A soul-mate is the one person whose love alone is powerful enough to inspire you to be your best. A soul-mate shares your inner passion, hopes, dreams and aspiration; the soul-mate gives a strong feeling of ‘wholeness’. A soul mate will sacrifice much to keep you while a bed mate will do anything to get you, but won’t do much to keep you.
Physical attractions are common, but a real mental connection is rare. If you find it, hold onto it – Kushand wisdom

Soul-mates are not perfect but they have grown over time to love each other’s imperfections perfectly, they love each other for who they are. Your soul-mate is someone you always love to be yourself with. Finding your soul-mate is not a cover to avoid challenges but rather the strength to surmount challenges. One of the challenges that frustrate soul-mates is unrealistic expectations. Unhealthy expectations can ruin a relationship and might even chase away your soul-mate! A true soul-mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your wall and smack you awake. To the world you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.

A bed mate is only useful as a sexual partner, while a soul-mate satisfies our inner longings, bed mates are meant to feed only our sexual appetites. Finding your soul-mate is a spiritual journey while being bed mates is based purely on emotional and physical attraction. So many youths have lost their marital destination because they chose to feed their ‘flesh’ and sexual appetites more than they long to feed their souls! You go wrong when you start ‘sleeping ‘with someone you are not married to. This is because sex distorts your sense of judgment, makes you emotionally vulnerable and beclouds you from discovering all you need to know about your partner.

One of the ‘flawless’ love stories in the entertainment industry is that of Nollywood amazon, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, who has grown to become Nollywood’s super icon and a worthy ambassador of the Nigerian youths. In the midst of the rising rate of divorce and separation of marriages in the entertainment industry, she has made a decision to remain scandal free and a worthy model to the Nigerian youths. Omotola is married with a thriving family and the blissful union is also blessed with four children. She has made many to believe that; to be a successful female Actress in the African continent one can live a life void of scandals and filth.

Omotola married pilot, Captain Matthew Ekeinde, her husband of nineteen years, in 1996 at the age of 18 while she was at Yaba College of Technology. The couple later held a white ceremony on board a Dash 7 aircraft while flying from Lagos to Benin in 2001, with close family and friends present. Omotola met her husband when she was just 16, while he was 26, they spent two years ‘dating’ and getting to know each other and he proposed two years later. They have been married for over 19 years which makes it one of the highest ranking marriage unions in the entertainment industry. Omotola attended Chrisland School Opebi (1981-1987), Oxford Children School (1987), Santos Layout, Command Secondary School Kaduna, (1988-1993).

She attended Obafemi Awolowo University briefly and finally completed her studies at Yaba College of Technology (1996-2004), where she studied Estate Management. She has grown overtime to become an outlier to the scandalous records that have become the hallmark in the entertainment industry. Her first acting was in the 1995 movie, venom of Justice, directed by Reginald Ebere but it was her defining role in Moral Inheritance that eventually launched her to both National and international limelight. She subsequently won ‘The Best Actress in an English speaking Movie’ and the ‘Best Actress Overall’ at the 1997 THEMA (The Movie Awards). Omotola amazingly became the youngest actress in Nigeria at that time to achieve the feat. Between her debuts till date, she has acted and featured in over 320 movies Nationwide and few internationally acclaimed videos. ‘Last flight to Abuja’, a 2012 Nigerian thriller disaster film written by Tunde Babalola, directed and produced by Obi Emelonye. Starring Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, Hakeem Kae-Kazim and Jim Iyke recorded 5 nominations at the 2013 Africa Movie Academy Awards and won award for the category best film by an African based abroad, amazingly, the movie was rated ‘4’ in the UK cinemas.

In 2012, Omotola launched her own reality show, Omotola: The Real Me on Africa Magic Entertainment. The Real Me made Omotola the first Nigerian celebrity to star in their own reality show. In all their interviews, the couple have always revealed the secret of their long-lasting and loving marriage to be of mutual trust, respect and God’s grace. The entertainer who remains pretty and ‘flawless’ after giving birth to four children in a recent interview reveals what strengthens her marriage and the possibility that she might still be single, if she hadn’t married her soul mate and her best friend. She runs a non-governmental Organisation that aims at equipping and helping youths nationwide. Her organisation is known as ‘’Omotola Youth Empowerment Project’’, it has overtime assisted widows, youths and gives out charity on yearly bases to the homeless and motherless.

In 2013, she was honoured in Time Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world alongside Michelle Obama and Beyoncé. In 2014, she was honoured by the Nigerian government as a Member of the Order of the Federal Republic, MFR for her contributions to Nigerian cinema. Omotola has this piece of advice for youths that are considering the entertainment industry: ‘’don’t allow anybody to dampen your spirit by telling you that you are not good enough and don’t expose yourself by becoming too desperate, a lot of actresses are excessively desperate and that is why they fall a victim’’.

Dear single lady, he needs to first be your soul-mate before he can qualify to be your bed-mate. Don’t devalue yourself. If he loves you enough, he will wait for you! Abstinence before marriage is not old-fashioned but God-fashioned. Here is Omotola’s advice to the ladies; ‘’Hold onto your integrity. Refuse to compromise and set your eyes on the goal. You know, it’s very easy as a Diva to miss your destination if you don’t have a well define goal! Set your goals and priorities and work towards it. You don’t need connection like you are made to believe in the Nigerian Philosophy of ‘connections’. Just be rooted where you belong and when the time really comes for your elevation, you will be known.’’ Finally there is a bitter truth every man must discern for a fruitful relationship and marital life: ‘’some people are only meant to stay in your heart, not in your life’’. Stop opening yourself up to every Tom, Dick and Harry! Stay pure before marriage; it is a form of deep respect for yourself and your future partner.
Gbenga Adebambo is the dean of schools at the Educational Advancement Centre (EAC), an author, youth specialist, international coach and the Editor-In-Chief of MAXIMUM IMPACT MAGAZINE. He is also the founder of the youth ministry called STOP ‘T’(Seeing Tomorrow’s Opportunities and Potentials Today), a ministry that is involved in discovering and nurturing hidden potentials in youths in order to equip them for tomorrow’s challenges, opportunities and responsibilities.