Sunday, 3rd December 2023

Before you say ‘I do’

By Lanre Olusola
06 February 2020   |   3:06 am
The statistics regarding marriage is so grim that it should scare the unmarried - that one out of every two marriages is destined for the rocks globally, is no longer news.

One out of every two marriages is destined for the rocks globally. Photo; PIXABAY

The statistics regarding marriage is so grim that it should scare the unmarried – that one out of every two marriages is destined for the rocks globally, is no longer news.

break-ups and divorces are now so common that even children think it cool to use the term “step” (stepdad, stepmom, stepbrother/sister). The one thing that seems to defy every kind of logical reasoning is how two people, who began a journey to be together forever on the premise of love, could walk away from that journey as easy as they walked into it.

Love is the strongest force in today’s world and every time a marriage fails, there are collateral damages – these could be the couple themselves, the children that are a product of the marriage, the society that becomes the holding places for the bruised and damaged beings that result from the divorce, and the list goes on.

A wise man once said that the best thing you can bring to any love relationship is yourself. In my opinion, this is perhaps the most powerful truth on the subject. Whether it’s going to succeed or fail is predicated upon the quality of individuals professing this eternal love for each other.

If anything can be done to arrest this dangerous drift, it is best to be done before the knot is tied, before the deed is done and the souls are joined in that forever bond that is sustained by commitment. If we are ever going to keep from saying “I don’t” to things they’ve said “I do”, then we need to help them get it right from the start.

Now, I know that these things might not be as easy to practice as they are to say, but I still think that practicing them is the only thing that can be enough to keep this menace ravaging our society at bay. Intending couples need to spend time understanding a lot of things about themselves (individually and as partners). They need to be real and hold a healthy sense of self-esteem and personal perception. They need to know, against popular opinion, what it means to be real.

Now that this has been said, who is a real man or woman? A real man or woman is an individual that understands who he/she is as a person, makes mistakes, corrects his or her mistakes, and knows they are not perfect. They understand their purpose, the purpose of family and position themselves in alignment with his or her partner’s purpose, in order to create a destiny for their children. Marriage and who to marry is one of the most important decision one has to make in life and before that can be determined, there are some things one should know before getting into one:
1) IT IS IMPORTANT TO MARRY YOURSELF: If you were you, would you marry you? The cheat here is to understand and accept yourself as a whole being, love yourself completely and not think that a person can complete you. When you enter a marriage feeling incomplete you cling to your partner too tight, trying to get them to make you feel good about yourself and this will feel like a burden to them over time. When you seek a whole life as a single person, accepting yourself and your weaknesses and begin to work on them, the tendency to break up would be less. There is a need to be comfortable in your skin and feel attractive the way you are.

2) HAVE A DEEP ROOTED RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD: If you don’t understand this, you might end up entering a marriage with unrealistic expectations and this comes as a result of not deeply understanding what marriage is. In having a deep relationship with your Creator, you need to be honest, understand that He loves you and be comfortable enough to tell Him everything. A lot of single people get married without truly understanding what a relationship is and at the end of the day, things begin to crumble.

3) INVOLVE YOURSELF WITH OTHER ACTIVITIES: As much as going to religious gatherings and work is okay, it is very important to involve yourself with other activities. Get a life! What do you want to do? Do it! Get more involved in things that interest you because these interests make you interesting as a person. Surround yourself with positive people that bring out the best in you. Don’t limit yourself to a routine lifestyle, make your life beautiful, that way you attract people towards yourself.

4) AVOID TOXIC INDIVIDUALS: Avoid negative and conniving people who are always trying to shut down your person. Avoid emotional abusers who always drain you mentally, physically and emotionally, people who have to give you their opinion of everything and anything. Always bear in mind that you are more than enough, and anyone who doesn’t see the best in you doesn’t deserve you, they will only end up hurting you.

To understand more about your Relationship, Marriage, embracing Singlehood and would like to be coached through this journey, send an email to or call 08077077000. There are also resources to help you at

To help others navigate this critical area of life – Relationships and Marriage; register for our upcoming Life Coaching Certification at the Olusola Lanre Coaching Academy, scheduled for 9th – 14th March 2020.


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