Female infertility and frigidity

Frigidity can be defined as sexual indifference in a woman. Some refer to it as low libido [sex drive] in women. Yet some others have defined it as the inability of a woman to reach orgasm. I have spoken to a number of women over the years, which said a woman is not usually frigid but her husband lacks the knowledge and understanding of her sexual needs and some others say they lack the skills to sexually arouse them.

However, there are established cases where a cause has been identified and when such is dealt with, the woman’s libido skyrockets.Causes of frigidity can be either emotional or physical.

Emotional causes include fear of pain, emotions such as shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, past sexual assault like rape or incest, generally feeling repulsed by sex, boredom and feeling emotionally distant from her spouse, low self-esteem, revenge and time constraint.

Physical causes are tiredness and exhaustion, insufficient foreplay and vaginal dryness, pain or discomfort during sexual intercourse, poor male sexual skills and performance, effects of drugs, substance abuse and alcohol, personal hygiene of the husband (and this includes body and mouth odour), infection or gynecological problems and illness generally and premenopausal changes and hormonal imbalance.

By far the commonest cause of frigidity stems from the understanding [or lack of it] that men have of their wives. A lot of wives exhibit sexual coldness not only because of the causes mentioned earlier, but also more because of disappointment.

Disappointment, not only because their husbands may not the great lovers they thought they were, but also because they are surprisingly deficient in their knowledge of the sexual needs of their wives. In other words, some husbands may not be the great lovers they claimed to be and there are those who lack the knowledge of their wives’ sexual needs. No other man can educate a man about the sexual needs of his wife and contrary to what men may have though, such information cannot be found in books.

The knowledge of the sexual needs of a wife can only come from the wife and she is not about to seat you down and give you a lecture. A man has to get into the mind of his wife before going into her. The man needs to find out what excites the wife and gets her into the sexual mood. The response of a woman to the sexual advances of her husband is the totality of the feelings he is able to ignite in her all day, all week, and so on. Her response is based on her perception of the value her husband ascribes to her.

A woman wants to be loved, cherished and valued. She wants to be secure and feel relaxed with her husband always. In loving her, a woman looks out for love in action and not one professed only. Unfortunately, men remember to tell their wives how much they love them at the moment when he is most pressed for that sexual fulfillment. Men must not be deceived; she knows why you have suddenly fallen in love with her all over again. At such moments she feels like a toy or an object just for the sexual satisfaction of a man who calls himself her husband. As time goes on her passion begins to decrease and the thought of being no more than a legal prostitute makes her cold and her response becomes like a doll in bed with a man. This is frigidity and in most cases will lead to infertility.

As far as I am concerned, sexual intercourse in marriage is meant to be enjoyed by both partners in marriage. Indeed, I believe that the responsibility of the couple in procreation is to enjoy. You may not have any other role to play.

The onus is usually on the man to “navigate” his wife to that point of a powerful orgasm. If this is not happening in your marriage, introduce some changes quickly. Tell her you love her more often, even by telephone conversation or by text message. Demonstrate your love for her by giving her gifts. Let your wife know that you cherish her and make her feel secured. You know what? Your wife deserves all these and when she gets them from you, she will reward you as it were with the greatest love making you ever experienced.