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Things you should know before you say ‘I do’

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Lanre Olusola

In my experience as a life coach and psychotherapist, I have handled numerous cases in marriages, from depression to pedophilia; from bestiality to homosexuality and a lot more. Marriage is not all fun and games. It’s much more than having a big wedding. Marriage is the foundation of the community and can lead to the success or downfall of a society. If you are not going to marry right and stay happily married, then remain alone. Marriage does not validate you. You are neither less nor more whether you are married or not. What is the point of getting into a marriage that won’t work? What is the point of signing up for a lifetime of pain, agony and torture therefore creating problems for others?

While you may see married couples everywhere you turn, you have no idea how many of those people are sad and unhappy, and how many are actually living separate lives while “staying married”. A good number of singles today, base their decision to marry quickly on their sexual desires or their burning feelings of passion and intense physical attraction. Should you base your entire destiny on imbalanced hormones and have your entire married lives built on this temporary, hormonal, emotional, fleeting and unstable foundation? So, what then happens when the sex is no longer good or one party has a condition that affects or destroys their sexual ability? What if the feelings are no longer the same as before? Do not make a long-term decision (marriage) based on a temporary feeling. You may be creating a long-term problem for you, your spouse and society.

Attaining a level of self-mastery and asking your spouse the right questions before saying “I DO” will help reduce the number of bad marriages in society today.

Below are five things you should know your before you say I DO:

1. Your husband/wife is never going to complete your life: A lot of people see Marriage as a destination, without understanding, that Marriage in itself is a journey. The sad truth is, no one can complete your life but you. Marriage is not a coming together of two “halves” to make a whole, but a coming together of two “whole” beings. Do not expect your husband or wife (as great as s/he might be) to fill the role that only your creator can fill.

2. Rid yourself of Immaturities: Before you commit to anyone, you must develop an open mind towards getting rid of reactions and behaviors that could portray you as an immature spouse. It is important that before you dedicate yourself to anyone, you must be matured enough to handle situations that will arise in Marriage with a sort of grace and more understanding.

3. Your partner is a lifetime friend: If you really want your marriage to work, then you cannot just think of your partner, as your partner. Your spouse becomes everything to you. He /She becomes your family, your confidant and your best friend. You will be spending a good portion of everyday with your spouse, so you need to make sure you make him/her your best friend.

4. “ME TIME” is essential: A lot of people tend to lose themselves in marriage. In as much as marriage is hard work and requires your full attention, it is important to take out time once in a while to do the things you love. This is important in order to avoid burning-out.

5. Forgiveness Is Key: The truth is: Your partner will make mistakes, so will you. It is okay to get angry, but do not allow your anger last long and do not become violently angry. Unresolved issues that linger for a while, is considered a major marital challenge that couples face.

To conclude, Marriage is not a testament to the validity of your adulthood, it is a journey of two imperfect people becoming one. Avoid having ridiculously high expectations of your partner. Your spouse can be many things in life but being perfect is not one of it. Don’t enter marriage thinking you can change him or her. Accept imperfection and see the beauty that lies within your spouse. Invest in yourself and work on your shortcomings, before marriage. Many people have no idea who they are and who they are getting married to.

Ask yourself, Can I marry ME right now? If your answer is NO, or you are indecisive, sign up for our Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Course, which runs from 5th – 11th of April 2019. In simple terms, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) helps you understand and align your thought processes and behaviors, in order to produce the result you want. It teaches you how to make the necessary changes in your behavior by taking advantage of how your mind works with language. For more information, call us on 08077077000 or send an email to info@olcang.com


In this article:
Lanre Olusolamarriage
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