Why coaching is important in your relationship and marriage
The thought of introducing a third party into a marriage has always been frowned upon. Introducing an expert into your marriage has and is still a fairly strange concept in today’s generation. When two people are joined in a union, challenges and obstacles are inevitable. Seeking the assistance of a relationship/marriage expert should be a welcome solution for couples who are unable to resolve issues within themselves.
According to the International Coach Federation (ICF), Coaching is about partnering with an individual in order to release the person’s inner potential, through a thought-provoking manner in a creative way. This potential varies in the diverse areas of life such as career, business, personal development, relationship, and marriage etc. Coaching moves you from where you are to where you want to be.
Marriage/Relationship is a union of two people who are collaborating to make something work. The ultimate dream of every relationship and marriage is happiness, love, joy and peace. This is where coaching becomes essential; coaching helps your marriage/relationship move from the state it is, to the desired and much better state you envision. It makes you attain the goals you have for your relationship, marriage, intimacy and sex.
One in two marriages all over the world is ending up in divorce while seven out of ten marriages in Nigeria are ending in one form of separation or the other. In my years of experiences as a coach, Coaching has helped to solve many relationship/ marital issues such as money, intimacy, house chores, extended family support, choice of school for kids etc.; The most common challenges known to affect couples are sexual intimacy problems and financial management problems.
Coaching helps you to unravel the issues or conflicts that resulted to the problem at hand, in a non-judgemental way and in a way that blames are not apportioned to any or both parties; but with a sole purpose of understanding why an issue occurred happened, and the best way to resolve and make things better between a couple. A coach helps you see things from a different perspective, as well as help you grow your marriage.
Here are some useful tips for people in various relationship stages.
Courtship & Marriage:
1. Never go into marriage solely based on your emotions. Courtship is the time of discovery; always ask the right questions. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
2. Before going into marriage, both parties involved need to envision the type of marriage they want to have; put every effort to make it work. Have the will to persevere in your marriage and to know that if both of you have this goal to make this marriage work, there is no going back!
3. Never have the mindset that there is an option of divorce or separation when things are not working out between you and your partner. Have a resolute mindset; it is either you are in and never going out or you remain single.
4. Separate rooms are highly discouraged in marriage. Having a single room promotes intimacy and communication between couples. There should also be rules of engagement in the bedroom such as no chatting or texting.
Always communicate with each other about everything. Communication is key in a relationship. When there is lack of communication, problems and issues begin to occur. Also, communication is not just about conversation; it is about being non-secretive to each other.
5. Humans are naturally selfish beings. In marriage, endeavour to give up your selfish attitude and put in effort to please and satisfy the needs of your partner in order for your partner to be happy. Be selfless and vulnerable to each other in your marriage.
6. Always value and appreciate your partner. Little and trivial things matter.
7. Be romantic to each other. Romance should not be seen as only a man’s thing. Romance helps reduce pressure couples face in marriage.
8. Find out what works best for both of you. Do not use the lifestyle of another couple as a parameter for how your relationship/marriage will work.
9. Always address an issue when one occurs. Never wave it aside; it will result to a bigger problem. Communication is essential.
10. Be ready to make sacrifices.
1. Live your moment before delving into another marriage.
2. Don’t get stuck with the mentality of remarrying as a compulsion or necessity.
3. Find yourself first.
4. Getting married should not be treated as a race.
5. Work on the barriers that prevented your marriage from working out.
6. Avoid making the same mistakes in your previous marriage.
7. Identify those things that you need to change in order to become a much better person; and position yourself to attract the right kind of person for you.
8. Forgive yourself where necessary.
Coaches do not give you answers to your problems or tell you what to do, rather a coach will help you realise that the best way to solve your problems come from within you. The goal of a coach is to guide you by using the right coaching tools on you. This is what makes coaching unique and different from all other interventions such as therapy, counselling, consulting etc. A coach is very essential in your relationship/marriage; and having a coach does not necessarily mean you have an issue.
For coaching enquiries on how to be coached, and how to become a certified coach, send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 08077077000.
The Catalyst, Lanre Olusola
Africa’s Premier Life, Mind, Emotions & Behavioural Change Coach
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