What men can do with daughters’ parenting

Sometimes one is forced to think that if men knew what to do as regards the upbringing of their female children, the woman would be happier and the world would be a better place. Think of that saying; “train a woman and train a whole nation…”

Although a woman is accepted as the nurturer, she did not drop from the sky. She was born the same way as her brother was born and although the sexes may differ, both may exhibit the same behaviour until they reach teenage age -those turbulent periods in the life of a human being when their appearances and behaviours may show marked differences and some parents may find them difficult to handle. At this time, the girl child may find her father more agreeable because of his calmness or tolerant behaviour towards her.

In some cases, however, the father is at a loss regarding what to do; that is why they may appear no to be caring because the one who wants to do it right may come down too hard and make an enemy of their child.

Admittedly, it is tough to see someone who is growing so fast under your gaze and going for all the wrong choices. It is normal, therefore, to make sure that she avoids all the mistakes you have made yourself. So you want to prevent it at all cost. Some think that the mother, being of the same sex, is more suitable to talk to the girl, while some fathers simply give up after a few attempts. Some think that marriage at the earliest time possible is the best solution and welcome any suitor that comes along.

We would not leave out those who, in tandem with societal beliefs, feel that if the girl child does well, the credit goes to both parents, if she is found wanting, the mother alone bears the responsibility.

Dad, we now know that your daughter has done well because she was not raised to be a doormat; especially her upbringing makes her smart and she know what she wants in her relationship with a spouse, work superiors and her friends. So doing well as we know is her ability to say her mind and be listened to. And this would take a good parenting of a father who sees his daughter as equal to her brother and a person in her own right. And many fathers are bringing up their daughters that way even when some beliefs hold that she is to be seen and not heard.

So with pain in your heart and possibly hidden tears as you observe your bright and beautiful daughter and fear for her future when she must leave your protection, we suggest that you could be a bit practical in your approach by admitting that; “God made man and He made woman. That woman is my daughter.” Be simple in this summary and all things, all wisdom shall be added unto you.

In the Beginning
In the beginning was her birth; so be involved, not just in paying maternity fees and providing the money for other needs, hold her in your hands and change nappies when they need changing. You are not equipped with breast- feeding but you can bond by holding her hand; you notice how her little fingers coil over your hands automatically. With that touch, she gets to know dad’s although rough but reassuring hands.

Teenage
She has developed an interest in the opposite sex, fashion and sundry other things that are considered womanly. There is not much you can do now but to be her friend and guide her. The mother may understand better but your input matters, too. However, you would not achieve much by seizing beauty products or putting embargo on them without offering a convincing reason. If you make fun of her outrageous clothes instead of ordering her to go and remove it, she may listen. Remember, you belong to the opposite sex she is trying so hard to please.

As for dating and boyfriends, you are her role model in the choice of men she wants to date. When you feel that she is too young to date, say so quietly or any way you think would cut ice with her. But if she thinks that you are ‘possessive’, she will try to break away. If the atmosphere at home is not peaceful, she will go with the first person to ask for ‘marriage’.

Respect Her
I rode in a commercial bus driven by a supposedly educated man and his conductor. When a working mother who carried a young baby was alighting, the conductor cautioned the driver to slow down. The driver turned his head and took in the scene and became incensed; “Go down”, he barked, “A female child doesn’t have a future…” he spat at the departing woman.

In the year 2016?; I asked myself. But that is the way he was raised to see women. We think, therefore, that apart from those men who grew up to appreciate the strength of a woman because they saw what their mother sacrificed to bring them up; we think that when men show interest in the raising of their daughters, the sons would learn to respect women and womanhood.

Preserve Her Sexuality
Boys are preening in front of the mirror and observing beauty regimens, but watch your girl do it and you will agree that it is her exclusive preserve. Encourage her to plait her hair. Many fathers need not to be reminded because they do these already. Take it more seriously now; she is there to put light in your life while the boy is there to echo you. She did not stray into your life by accident; she is there for a reason.

Once, a girl of about 12 years walked past me in an agitated state, close behind were two boys who jeered at her; they were her brothers. Their father was angry too. It transpired that the girl’s dress was what spoilt a family shopping; the zip was bad. I thought she should not have worn that dress out. But the absence of the mother was what occupied my thought for a long time. Did she leave them because of an unhappy marriage? There was a man who did not know what to do with his female child, I thought.

On a final note, a girl child would do without being a witness to domestic violence; as a woman is most times the victim of domestic abuse, a girl child gets the wrong message if her father is a wife batterer.