Common Habits People Mistake For “Toxic” In A Relationship
Relationships are huge tasks; these tasks often presents itself in complicated and difficult manners. But the good thing is, people who find themselves in one see some clear signals to know if the relationship will work or not. It is all about reading the handwriting on the wall, that is, not ignoring the red flags.
However, it is also relevant to note that a relationship can never be perfect even though the society has succeeded in painting a picture to many individuals, that relationships must lead to a lifetime of commitment and unending love. Hence the ideology that certain behaviours or habits exhibited in a relationship is toxic.
The desire to have one’s space or time apart, dealings with dissatisfaction or having the urge to call it quits are quite normal. Yet, these do not get talked about because the relationship automatically gets termed as Toxic.
With this in mind, here are common habits that aren’t toxic and should be seen in any different light.
Spending time apart
There are different scenarios where that friend (or even you) mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship. And it’s troubling, not just for us but for them.
When we fall in love, we develop irrational beliefs and desires. One of these desires is to allow the person we’re infatuated with to consume our lives. This feels great, but it is quite intoxicating and the last time anyone checked, intoxications are not all so good.
The problem with allowing a romantic relationship to consume your identity is that as you change to be closer to the person you love; you cease to be the person they fell in love with.
It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner. During this time off, assert your independence, maintain hobbies or interests that are just yourself alone and evaluate how the relationship has impacted your life. It is okay to have some separate friends. Without this space or time apart, the fire between the two of you will fizzle out and what were once love sparks will become only friction.
Accepting that your partner isn’t perfect
A lot of people expect their partner to get everything right, but they never ever really consider the fact that the person is only human.
There is a need to realise that every person has flaws and imperfections and, no matter how much you try, you can never force a person to change. Therefore, remember [while choosing a partner] that you must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.
The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws. If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings — her obsession for clean surroundings, his introversive nature— and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings, well, then that’s a sign that things can work out.
It may be our perfections that attract one another. But it’s our imperfections that decide whether we stay together or not.
Be willing to let it go
Sometimes, the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
Having the mindset of “Without you, I have no reason to live” only shows how toxic that relationship truly is. You should be able to exist with or without your significant other.
Worshipping our relationship as something more important than ourselves, our values, our needs and every other beautiful aspect of our lives, only creates a sick dynamic where there is no accountability.
The truth is, the society has a terrible idea of what a “successful relationship” should be. If a relationship ends and someone is not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person’s lives.
It is not a must that all relationships lead to marriage; sometimes you learn from the other person and move on to being a better human in the society.