Why Happy Partners Cheat
Divorce is on the rise, but I won’t bore you with the statistics. However, what is even more alarming is that in most marriages that don’t end in divorce, one partner is likely to cheat at some point during their relationship. For those couples that are looking to get married and for those couples who currently have happy marriages, they must never lose sight of the possibility that even their currently blissful relationship could experience the devastation affairs cause.
For those who wonder how affairs begin in the first place among happy couples, here is one example of a solid relationship that ended up ripped apart by infidelity. This particular couple had been married about 10 years and everything seemed fine. They had a solid financial base, healthy children and a supportive extended family that gave them their space to build their home. However, underneath all this perfection, there were some slight cracks that led to the whole relationship crumbling. Even though the husband constantly showered the wife with gifts and was always very kind to her, the more successful he became, the more time he spent on his business instead of with his wife and children.
In the early part of their marriage, they spent a lot of time together. They talked a lot, discussed a sleuth of topics, as they were both avid readers and absolutely loved each other’s company. All this quality time they spent together, went out the window when the husband started getting more successful. He just didn’t have the time. Eventually, his wife began to feel neglected so she started spending more time away from home. She joined a book club and ended up having an affair with one of its members. In this situation, the man had rekindled some dormant feelings in her. She admitted she felt very guilty and ashamed of these feelings, but nevertheless, they were there.
This man probably didn’t mean to have an affair with her either. He was probably just being polite and enjoyed having stimulating, intellectual conversations just as she did. However, he was also meeting an important emotional need that used to be met by her husband. This probably led to her showering him with the type of affection that should have been reserved for her husband. This guy only reacted to the affection she poured on him and he was likely feeling neglected by his own spouse as well, thereby increasing his vulnerability.
Even if you feel that you are in a happy relationship, you must make sure that you are meeting each other’s most important emotional needs. In this example above, the woman was happy with everything her husband did for her, except he wasn’t spending quality time with her like he previously did.
The example of this couple shows that we are all wired for affairs. Regardless of how happy your spouse seems, if they have an important need that isn’t getting met, you might be opening up doors for them to have an affair (whether physical or emotional). The only full proof way to protect your happy marriage from an affair is to be sure that such conditions do not exist. This is why neither partner in a marriage can ever assume that their partner is completely happy, just because they act like they are. Happy couples must routinely ask each other how truly happy they are. Doing so just might save their happy marriage.
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ZeeZee is a certified Relationship Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip people with the right tools for a successful relationship – with themselves and others. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.
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