Singles’ Day: Why you are probably still single

Happy Singles’ Day, fam! If you’re still out here doing solo runs, don’t fret; you’re in good company. Today is all about you and your “singlehood glory.” Now, if you’re wondering, “Why am I still single at my age?” relax, you’re not alone! And today, we’re not here to judge but to laugh it off.

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Here’s a list of reasons (some valid) why you might still be rocking the solo life in 2024. Grab your popcorn; it’s all love and vibes!

Your standards are higher than politician allowances

Let’s face it – your standards might be hitting the roof like a bag of rice. You want the full package: tall, dark with six-pack abs, wealthy, God-fearing, must own the latest mansion in Banana Island and must be “chopping” oil money, a decent cook, and with vibes for days! The list is endless!

My dear, these “perfect specimen” people aren’t exactly roaming around like Lagos Uber drivers. You’re waiting on a unicorn! But until then, keep sipping your zobo in peace. After all, you’re just single and didn’t kill anyone.

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Your hometown’s sapele – a.k.a they don’t know your roots

Some of you are low-key hiding your heritage like classified info. “My dear, where are you from?” and suddenly, you’re not so chatty anymore. You’re hoping to “casually” bring it up later (like a few months into dating). Let’s just say, na wa o! Don’t worry, your time will come.

You’re “just vibing” through life

How many times have you told your situationships, “We’re just vibing”? Eh-hen! Yet you wonder why they didn’t pop the big question. Vibes are fun, but if you’re out here floating like a Lagos islander without direction, don’t be surprised if everyone else is “just vibing” too. But I think you should get serious and stop adding “We are just vibing” in every conversation.

Last relationship trauma

That ex did a number on you. Heartbreak and breakfast are Nigerian staples, but you’re still holding out for something pure. If trust issues are your middle name, you’re still on a healing journey. So, while you’re waiting to ‘trust’ again, embrace this singles’ era.

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The hustler gang

Look, love is beautiful, but have you priced tomatoes lately? E cost! I get it. You’re out there grinding, hustling to secure the bag, build an empire, and maybe even buy that plot in Lekki, right?

Right now, you’re dating your goals and won’t let anyone distract you. Focus on your focus because money is important; although I’m tempted to say “love is more important.”

You’re waiting for a sign like WhatsApp story update

Ah, you’re one of those people, right? Waiting for a divine sign or for the person to randomly appear in your DM after posting “God when” on your story. Just know, your “God when” crew will support you, but maybe it’s time to be proactive, right? Slide into that DM first, my dear.

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Be bold and relentless. After all, African China sang: “If you love somebody, walk up to her and tell her you love her… it does no crime at all!”

Your heart belongs to Netflix

All your free time goes to binge-watching your faves and you say you are single? Come on, you are taken—by Netflix, of course! Like you’ve canceled a date to watch that new episode of The Real Housewives of Abuja. If you’re living that hermit life with Netflix as bae, don’t be surprised if you’re still single. Sha, enjoy your quiet moments!

All your friends are fine singles too

If everyone in your squad is living the single, free life, you might just get comfortable in that groove. Group chats are lit; no one’s worrying about who’s giving boyfriend/girlfriend duty gist, and it’s just vibes on vibes. Great stuff, but try and diversify your situationship a little.

So there you have it, folks. Some of these might hit home, others may just be jokes, but at the end of the day, it’s all love. Being single is not a crime; enjoy this season, use Singles’ Day to celebrate you, and trust that your time will come. For now, sip that drink and smile – you’re amazing just as you are! Happy Singles’ Day, my single Pringles!

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